He is leaving to be alone to THINK - now what?

[ourcrisis]

Journaling.
H is still home. Still in contact with OW. I don't ask anymore on what stage he is at. We had an agreement that we would talk everynight, but we are not following that much. He probably thinks he is since we do "talk". But no R talk, no talk about whether he is seeing/talking/emailing/whatever with OW which is what I am looking for. But I am not asking anymore because I don't want to know and I know by talking it will make him ache for her more. The other night he said when he sees that I am "happy", he is happy. At the same time, he is sad because he knows she is "sad". That simply sucks. i am telling myself today no more R talk from me. I am just going to act 180.

Now, I need a few 2x4's. Somebody please wack me and tell me i need to detach and just not ask anymore or not push him. I feel like sometimes I am being too "close" to him by touching him, hugging, etc. I am finding a difficult balance with both the physical and emotional side. When he ask about how I feel, should i just lie and say i am OK? or pour out my soul (guess NOT !!!) We are touching each other a lot, and he is not resenting me, but i can feel sometimes that he is holding me and thinking about OW. ARGH!!!!

I am not good at keeping a balance and as a result, I think sometimes I am being too "distant" and sometimes too "pushy". H is very nice and is not complaining, but that's because he never shows his feelings. I can sense that he may not like this sometimes. Eggshells!!!!!