I am feeling a little beat up about my remarks to CIAZ. I will just asking questions, I wasn't saying that her behavior or way of communicating was a good one. Fear does make us do things much differently than we normally would.
I have heard the same BS from my H as you all have heard from your wives. It is that total BS. If they really felt that way 3 years, 5 years, or 10 yesrs ago, they would have let us know, either passively or in words. In my case, this is just part of the MLC rewriting of history.
I do have to say that I was guilty in the past of not coming right out with what I wanted to know because I was afraid of what H's reaction would be. So I kind of danced around it. I will never make that mistake again. Sometimes, my dance came from not really knowing what I was unhappy about. That will change too because I have finally learned how to look inside myself and find the source of my true feelings.
Good luck to both of you, I wish I could wave a magic wand and teach everyone to communicate openly and honestly with the people we care most about.
ANewMe,
That was the HARDEST thing I have ever done. I let my WAW say all kinds of crap. I did not want to be confrontational. She rewrote so many things, I thought she was shooting for a damn novel.
As for communication the MLCer can NEVER see they were the ones to blame for the lack of communication. In my book, hints and/or dancing around the subject is NOT communicating. If you have an issue and/or are thinking about leaving, you have an obligation to let the person know in a clear and concise way. Then the onus is on THEM to do something about it. You simply cannot fix what you have no clue is broken!
In the end, I agree with my twice divorced friend, Belle. When I told her these things, she said, “Rich, Stop! These are NOT reasons for leaving the marriage. These ARE just excuses for wanting out.” Well put, my dear friend!
RMG
"The bad things in life open your eyes to the good things you weren't paying attention to before." from "Good Will Hunting"
