telling me about a Heavy C check they did that day. Then he stops...is silent for a bit, busies himself doing something in the kitchen or with our son and says "I need a faster processor." That's it... Nothing like that here in Lou/BB land.
I just heard 1:30 PM "her eye looks watery" so I stopped and remembered this AM about 9, BB was talking about one dog having something off with her eye and BB made a vet appointment about 5'ish.
Now, while that is remotely related to "work" it's completely off topic from what he had been speaking about and I'm left going "huh? I will have to agree with you GEL.
Do you do this? If so...quit it!!! Me? Not that I can tell.
Me, a guy that takes the least amount of a medication he can get away with and never had more than 2 beers in a 24 hour time period. No I try to cover my bases before moving on. I have to feel like there is order and control.
From past history, I have to restart conversations with review information if we are interrupted for 2 minuets. Changing subjects would be me saying I was in LSD land.
Being careful about what I say also causes me to not visit some areas/topics.
Maybe I can't tell you why some guys have trouble carrying on a relative linear or connected conversation. I can tell you why I don't talk about some things with BB. I suppose It also drives women crazy, and not in a good way.
I can tell you why I don't talk about some things with BB. I suppose It also drives women crazy, and not in a good way.
Feel free Lou.
Another thing my H does that kinda drives me nutz, but it's just a part of him....is over explaining a situation, or giving details that really, have nothing to do with getting the point across. I find I have a REALLY hard time listening to what he says sometimes because he just gives too much detail and over explains so I lose interest in what he's saying. His mother is the same way....they both do this. LOL. I REALLY try to keep my focus on what he's saying but sometimes I just start to hear Charlie Brown's teacher WA WA WA WA WA WA LOL
We've worked around that though. He's aware he does this and now...when I find myself tuning out and realize I didn't hear what he said I just flat out tell him "I'm sorry I didn't hear that..." and if it was important he'll repeat it. OR he'll say..."I did it again didn't I?" LOL
Another thing my H does that kinda drives me nutz, but it's just a part of him....is over explaining a situation, or giving details that really, have nothing to do with getting the point across. I find I have a REALLY hard time listening to what he says sometimes because he just gives too much detail and over explains so I lose interest in what he's saying. His mother is the same way....they both do this.
I saw this and my first thought is that this is a FOO issue. Maybe he never felt secure in setting forth his opinions as a kid or having those opinions validated, so he rambles on and on to “force” a connection. Hogging the airtime might mean to him that he has to be heard, even though the meaning gets lost in all the talk. But tuning him out might only work against what he is trying to do – be accepted. This makes some sense to me, especially if his mother does it. Her insecurity has transferred right over to him.
Another thing my H does that kinda drives me nutz, but it's just a part of him....is over explaining a situation, or giving details that really, have nothing to do with getting the point across
OMG!!! You and I are definitely married to the same man - LOL
He explains things like I was 2 years old - what's with that? And yet, he tells me he was attracted to what was between my ears - hello!! Then you don't need to give me a paint-by-number description
I kinda roll my eyes when he does that and he says "ok, ok" and gets the point - its all in fun though. We really do have a rather special way of communicating that drives other people nutz - kinda nice - lol
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
While I do understand and agree that a parents insecurities can and often do get handed down to their children. I think that things can also be as simple as...that was a main role-model for communication. I'm not dismissing that it could be FOO I'm merely stating it could be that simple too.
He constantly complains about the fact that his mother goes on, and on, and on. As he says..."she can say more without saying anything than anyone i've ever met!!!" To which I reply, I know someone else who does that...he of course responds "I'm not THAT bad!"...I feel it necessary to assure him that yes, he absolutely is LOL. It's all done good naturedly....and he actually has improved since I've pointed it out. I feel bad when I find myself tuning out as I know...everyone wants to be heard, I simply cannot focus when he does this. So we've worked our way around it in a manner that works for us.
GEL - here is a perfect example of my H. I can't believe he did this right after we were talking about it.
I come home from work and he is talking to me about the truck he drives for work (which, believe it or not, I find interesting) and then he was talking about his friend, meeting him for coffee, etc. and then he went on about a telephone conversation he had with his lawyer.
Then, in the middle of a sentence, he says "ya, an hour and a half". I say "for what" - thinking he was still talking about the telephone conversation (thinking to myself he talked to his lawyer for an hour and a half?) but no, his answer ....?
"That's how long it took me to get into work this morning." I had to laugh, God, I love that man - lol
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
Heywyre, that's a perfect example of what I'm talking about with my H. It's like you get half of the thought that was going through his head.
I'm sure there are women that do this as well, I just haven't met any of them. Of course if my best friend did it I probably wouldn't ever notice since we often finish each others thoughts anyway.
Ok so we go to the C today. Things must be getting better because we pretty much have a BS session and we both walk out of there thinking "he should be paying us"
C tells us how he likes the dynamics between us, how we banter back and forth and compliment each other. However, he does want to explore those "dynamics" a little more and how we are the same but how we are also different and how that affects the R. So next week's session should be interesting.
I also go by myself on Monday, which should be interesting because I am already stressed out about it. Here's the deal ...
H and I were in a car accident about 4 years ago. My claim has settled, H's hasn't. He has to go for a specialist appointment in the city where OW lives. Now the good thing is, he is flying there so he won't have a vehicle to drive to her place etc. However, I guess if he REALLY wanted to, he could find a way right? Or he could call her and she'd pick him up. I know, I know - I shouldn't be thinking that way and I have to stop my mind from wandering
I need some advice here - he knows I am stressed out about this and he has tried to reassure me that he is feeling a lot stronger with the AD and knows it won't bother him going there. Wish I could say the same thing about me. He's leaving at about 5 in the morning and won't be home until about 8 pm and then he has to leave at 11:30 to go to work (another thing I am concerned about with him not getting enough sleep). Is there anything I can say to him to reassure him about "us" - or is this just me freaking out without reason? I really, really hate how I am feeling right now
The only good thing about this is I get to vent at the C on Monday. Which is a whole other story. We will probably talk about the Madonna/Whore complex again. H doesn't know we talked about that, nor does he know I gave a copy of the article to the C - I am sure he will want to address that.
Also, H called to talk to a couple of people in this family he used to know when he was a kid. Their father died and he wanted to express his condolences - nice gesture right? Well, they said their mother was having a 75th birthday party this summer and they invited him and said it would be good to see him - also a nice thing right? Well, this 75 year old woman is the woman he lost his virginity to!! From the sounds of things, she was a little bit of a wild woman and had a large number of kids, several from other men in the community, although she stayed married to the same guy. I don't know if I can go to a function like that, knowing what I know.
And just when I thought my life was getting easier
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
H and I talked about the Madonna/Whore complex today. I told him I had provided the C with a copy of the article I also gave him. He was okay with that (good I say).
We also explored the possibility that this complex might fit his profile, he also agreed and said "it pretty much fits the bill doesn't it" - I was THRILLED and, to tell you the truth, I think for the very first time in at least 5 or more years, I can truly say I feel a like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I have always known that my H loved me deeply, and I feel it even more now. It's like we finally have an answer to all this mess. However, I am still going through the anxiety of tomorrow and his trip to the city where OW lives. He has tried to reassure me that he is strong and doesn't have the desire to contact her but that's him being here. What will it be like when he is right there, within minutes from her house for 7-8 hours?
Can you give me any insightful advice? Anyone? COG - GEL - are you guys out there?????
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
Sorry, our internet was down all weekend pretty much. I know it's going to be tough for you to have him out there by her, it's a major trigger for you understandably. The only thing I can really say is....just ride it out, not really helpful is it? I'm assuming he's going to be there for business right? You say he's going to be there for 7-8 hours, that's pretty much a business day...chances are he's going to be busy for that time. Now, if he were going to be there over 24 hours, or a couple of days...yeah that'd concern me, and I might just offer to go along ;-)
BUT since this is just a day trip, and like I said...he's likely to be busy with business stuff, just try to ride this out.
I'm glad he seems open to the things you are showing him, that's a really good sign. Heywyre, if you need someone to chat with to help keep your mind busy feel free to e-mail me...might not be a bad thing for you to have my e-mail anyway since we are going through such similar things. anitam@nordam.com If you send me something let me know first so I can see if our firewall filters it, sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn't. But that way I'll know to look for it if I don't receive it quickly.
Take care today...try to keep busy, try not to let your mind go there and drive you nutz!
