Sounds like she was testing the waters, do you think that she was trying to find out if there is any room in your life for her now? I get the feeling that she was waiting for you to tell her that the woman you are dating is not that important. Was she wanting you to say that you want to be more than friends?
I am not trying to give you false hope but sometimes woman don't say what they mean and she may be afraid of being rejected by you.
If it were me, I'd be taking this explanation with a grain of salt. I acknowledge there often exists a difference in communication styles between genders and for a man to have a heathly relationship with a woman, a basic understanding of girl-ese is necessary but in this example and even if it were accurate, would be an extremely disturbing low.
Imaging living with someone like that? Someone that is unable to express themselves without the use of unknown codes, where you had to tippy toe around hoping that your decipher was accurate, where you never knew where you stood, where you were expected to mind read and expected to do uncommunicated deeds because if you didn't, it was a sign that you were unsuitable.
No thanks. Time to clear the decks to make room for someone in your life that can communicate. Not all women are such poor communicators.
God Bless
Suit
Suit,
Time to clear the decks to make room for someone in your life that can communicate! That is very true!
Some of my personal favorites from my exW:
Quote:
exW: I was thinking about leaving three years ago.
RMG: That would have been nice to know three years ago.
Quote:
exW: You neglected me.
RMG: You always had your interests. I had mine. I even told OTHERS about how we have our own interests and how well it works out with you STANDING there. You never disagreed when I said that nor did you pull me aside later.
I have lots more......
Go with God!
RMG
"The bad things in life open your eyes to the good things you weren't paying attention to before." from "Good Will Hunting"
I am doing well. Things are crazy but well. I have heard exactly what you said in your post. Would have been nice to know and I also thought that us having seperate interests was a good thing! Otherwise, we would have killed each other years ago. Funny how things change.
How are you doing?
CIAZ M 7/97 S 5/05 D 8/06 Both 33 years old No kids
I am doing well. Things are crazy but well. I have heard exactly what you said in your post. Would have been nice to know and I also thought that us having seperate interests was a good thing! Otherwise, we would have killed each other years ago. Funny how things change.
How are you doing?
Confused_in_AZ,
Honestly, I am hanging in there. I really wish I were a different type of guy; one who can just walk away from a M without looking back. My problem is I have lots of choices of women to date; yet, I still foolishly think about my exW at times. It is so damn crazy; I just wish I could flip the switch and move on without a care in the world... It is tough to do when you really loved someone with all of you...
Take Care,
RMG
"The bad things in life open your eyes to the good things you weren't paying attention to before." from "Good Will Hunting"
I am feeling a little beat up about my remarks to CIAZ. I will just asking questions, I wasn't saying that her behavior or way of communicating was a good one. Fear does make us do things much differently than we normally would.
I have heard the same BS from my H as you all have heard from your wives. It is that total BS. If they really felt that way 3 years, 5 years, or 10 yesrs ago, they would have let us know, either passively or in words. In my case, this is just part of the MLC rewriting of history.
I do have to say that I was guilty in the past of not coming right out with what I wanted to know because I was afraid of what H's reaction would be. So I kind of danced around it. I will never make that mistake again. Sometimes, my dance came from not really knowing what I was unhappy about. That will change too because I have finally learned how to look inside myself and find the source of my true feelings.
Good luck to both of you, I wish I could wave a magic wand and teach everyone to communicate openly and honestly with the people we care most about.
Everything happens for a reason, maybe Dad needs to find that it isn't better out there, he needs to realize how good he had it here. Maybe he will find God and that is the most important thing when he finds Him he will know he is supposed to come home.
I am feeling a little beat up about my remarks to CIAZ. I will just asking questions, I wasn't saying that her behavior or way of communicating was a good one. Fear does make us do things much differently than we normally would.
I have heard the same BS from my H as you all have heard from your wives. It is that total BS. If they really felt that way 3 years, 5 years, or 10 yesrs ago, they would have let us know, either passively or in words. In my case, this is just part of the MLC rewriting of history.
I do have to say that I was guilty in the past of not coming right out with what I wanted to know because I was afraid of what H's reaction would be. So I kind of danced around it. I will never make that mistake again. Sometimes, my dance came from not really knowing what I was unhappy about. That will change too because I have finally learned how to look inside myself and find the source of my true feelings.
Good luck to both of you, I wish I could wave a magic wand and teach everyone to communicate openly and honestly with the people we care most about.
ANewMe,
That was the HARDEST thing I have ever done. I let my WAW say all kinds of crap. I did not want to be confrontational. She rewrote so many things, I thought she was shooting for a damn novel.
As for communication the MLCer can NEVER see they were the ones to blame for the lack of communication. In my book, hints and/or dancing around the subject is NOT communicating. If you have an issue and/or are thinking about leaving, you have an obligation to let the person know in a clear and concise way. Then the onus is on THEM to do something about it. You simply cannot fix what you have no clue is broken!
In the end, I agree with my twice divorced friend, Belle. When I told her these things, she said, “Rich, Stop! These are NOT reasons for leaving the marriage. These ARE just excuses for wanting out.” Well put, my dear friend!
RMG
"The bad things in life open your eyes to the good things you weren't paying attention to before." from "Good Will Hunting"
ANewMe, no problem on my end. Thanks for the comments too! I have been through that re-writing stage. That part is a lose-lose. If you go with the flow you lose, if you try to correct the history, your a wrong so you lose!
And RMG, you are right....communication is the key to a healthy relationship. Hence my situation. She could not talk about her feelings and what was going on with her and just let it build and build. Eventually, the volcano is going to erupt!
Anyway, still taking things slow. Just got back from a meeting and XW had called to tell me that a friend of ours passed away. I will be heading the funeral on Thursday and will probably see my X in-laws there. Should be interesting. Have not seen them for about a year or so. Not sure how to approach that one.
CIAZ M 7/97 S 5/05 D 8/06 Both 33 years old No kids
Well, the drama continues. Went to a funeral for a friend of mine today that I met through my X-In Laws. I knew that they would probably be there and they were. Long story short, X-MIL blew a tire on the way, so I had to change her tire, drive her to the reception afterward, spent time there with her, drove her and finally drove her back to her car. Spent over 3.5 hours with her and had a great time. Crazy!!!!!!!!!
I called my X tonight to give her the heads up and to let her know the story and to make sure that that MIL got home okay, which she did. XW thanked me a couple times for doing that. Why do they think that since you are no longer M that you would be a complete ass? Or is it that they really don't want to see you in a positive light?
CIAZ M 7/97 S 5/05 D 8/06 Both 33 years old No kids
Wow! Didn't know I could get therapy from a recent movie these days. I just came back from Spidy 3 and walked away from something that none of my single friends really realized. There was a statement of "you are ready to get married when the husband is ready to give up his life". Made me think,.....was I realy ready to give up my life when I got married? Yes and no. Honestly, I don't think I presented that to my XW. As a very involved volunteer....if she said no, I probably would have given that up. However, I also think that if she said know, at the time, I would have put up a fight.
Kind of funny that I ran into this evening three undergrads that I used to help that came by my dinner party, to say hello and really talk about how that I have helped them in life. That is the thing that keeps me going and volunteering!
CIAZ M 7/97 S 5/05 D 8/06 Both 33 years old No kids
Just want to see how you are doing. Interesting thread. You two should go to Retrouvaille. They will work miracles for you two. It sounds like you two still have some issues to sort through. Retrouvaille will allow you two to work together to help.
