Light at the End?

[~Sol]

Ford - she denies, but I know. Right now, she is treating me pretty good, until she saw an email from someone from the boards - a female - and my W questioned me about it. I had stuff that I wrote about that I hadn't confronted my W on yet, in addition to how I feel - all personal feelings I am processing but feelings and issues we both went over in painful arguments in the past. All about her affair, and about "my faults".

So now she thinks any female that emails me, or even being on these boards, is suspicious activity on my part. She can't comprehend that a lot of us here are here for the same reason - to see if we can save our M! But I am still learning a lot about my W and about myself by sticking with it, and even though I mess up, I try to see the fog clear after I calm down.

So, will she do this again? I don't know, but she denies and denies anything happened, and I am still messed up over it.

This is what we did yesterday. She wanted to have sushi, so I went out and got it for us. We watched a movie, and this morning we started putting up the new shed in the back and replacing the old wall mounted microwave with a new one she bought. All the while, since Friday, I have this knowledge of them having a PA. But we went down this road before. Maybe the OM warned her what he told me? It's weird because my W is playing games with me - like she already knows I know and doesn't even confront me about having contact with Om - it's like she doesn't care that I found out or wants me to confront her about it. I won't because they will both deny. And here she is acting happy and making a happy home.

I need to do what UA said and let this knowledge about their PA process for 2 months. The biggest issue we both have is trust right now. But I am the one that is cautious about her, since she went all out with another man. She won't talk about that, and so she dropped it.

I have a feeling she will keep at me about my female friends that I email to, but it's like she thinks I am not supposed to have any female friends at all....she will ask "who's this, and who's that?" She's driving me crazy!