Hum de dum...........

[Holly06]

Good morning,
I don't have much time, as I am going to a bridal appointment with my daughter.

I have this selfish little habit of going to Starbucks, get my favorite vittles, and go to a nearby park that is somewhat spiritual for me.

Well I sure got an earful today.


I think I finally get IT!!

What God is trying to teach me.

Let go of the rope.


If need be, I will tell TJ,

I have alot going on in my life right now, and for now, I am not able to have any contact with you.
When I say "tell" TJ I mean I am saying this on a spiritual plane, not verbalizing it.

Then just carry it out.

Focus on Me and my life.

I finally get it.


Now I have to find a way to honor my words to TJ ( I'm here)
and stay away and focus on me.

I will do that by making a connection to his parents again. For me, not as a part of the TJ and HOlly show.

Just me and them.

I have something to share with them, that I think they need to hear right now, and it will be a comfort to them I believe.
That is my intention.

Me.

[Holly06]

Having a happy weekend.
The difference is that I am not alone. Judy and Paul are here this weekend and they are keeping me hoppin'!!!!!1

Went to church this morning. Moving service. I got alot from it. It was about words.
Free choice and the will of God.
He actually mentioned crisis.
He actually repeated the disappointment of divorce.

It is so nice to give yourself to an opportunity to hear God's word, and there it was. Telling me to not give up.

I am strenghtened this morning.

I have to say something to all my friends out there.

You have all made such a difference in my life. I want to tell you that some of the things that you say to me are right on the money, some are not, but all your words and thoughts are appriciated and carefully considered.
Please keep them coming. They are all equally valuable and precious to me.
I may sound like a broken record, but through no choice of my own, I live alone.
My work is far enough away that friendships at work do not carry over to my life at home.
My work is important to me, and I am there alot of the time, and taking care of the minimum around here.
Supporting my daughters, building a house, helping with wedding plans, are other aspects of my life that take my time.
I have friends that I do things with, and all of you here.

But all of you here, you get the worst of me. The whiny and insecure me. I know that and I am disappointed in myself for being this needy, but I assume that you want to be there for me, and from your actions and words YOU ARE.
I sense, and I know that you would rather I over ananlyze everthing here and not to others in my life. Although I do not expect you to carry the burdens I share with you, just writing and the responses that you share with me MEAN SO MUCH TO ME!!!!!!
So give me your best and your worst.
Your weakness and your strength.
Your happiness and your sorrows.

I will stand with you.


You are ALL standing there with me.



Thank you for everything, now and in our future relationships.



Truely,
HOlly

[yellowrose]

Awww Holly!!!! We are here for you!!! You have been there for me during my dark hours too. That is what makes this board and the people here so special. We understand the good and the bad.

I am glad you are gathering strength. That's the Holly I know!!!

Love ya

Y

[Holly06]

Thank you Yellow.

I want you to know that our friendship is very important to me.


Holly

[wbfnm]

Hello Holly,
How are you? I'm new to your thread and have not read your previous one. I am touched by what you say about stillness. The last week or so everytime I get upset I hear 'be still'. Find the peace and quiet within yourself.
It helps.
B

[Holly06]

It does, doesn't it?

I am thinking of doing a retreat. It was suggested by my counselor, and it made me tingle when I heard the suggestion.
Just thinking about it makes me excited.

It is " be still".

It is for a monastery in Kentucky, Gesthemeni ??????

It is reported to be a very special experience.

It is be still.

Only problem is it may be booked until August. I need something more immediate.

It is not for groups, rather individuals who need a retreat.


funny that this suggestion should come the week that I am trying to "be still".

I agree, I am having some peace.

It feels so good to me!!!!1

[Bislandgal]

Thank you Holly. I feel at times similar to you although I think you are faring better than me spiritually. I am interested in the retreat you metion. I have been considering one that specializes in yoga and meditation in the summer.
It sounds a very good idea . I Know I need to work on that aspect of me. I would very much like to feel at peace.

Love and Light to you
Bislandgal

[Holly06]

Bislandgal,

It has been a journey, one that I sense is not complete yet.

What I have VERY strong feelings about is not pushing my thoughts, beliefs and attitudes on others. I want this to be a private affair, between me and God.

Do I have your blessings for that relationship? Typing affair made me giggle.

I do want to share this in case it would help someone else.
But I am so excited about this chance to really "be still".

And the best part of it is I am not going it to it to get the answers for my R with TJ. I am going in to it open to whatever God has to tell me.
I might not want to hear it, but I feel compelled.
Thanks for your interest Biz!

[Rollercoasterider]

Steelers,

Being still means this to me:

Shut up, let go, and let God deal with all of it.
His timing and ours is not the same so get used to it.
Patience and kindness and full trust in God are learned during this dark time.
Always remember that God is working in him, and in me even though we do not always see results.

Being still also means that God is on our side because he hates adultery and divorce. If we are faithful and ask God, he will help us along and in the end might restore our marriage(s).

Though each person has different meanings, that is not what I mean by Be Still.
What you described is part of letting go, accepting and having faith. And specifically...letting go of the need to fix your marriage because God will do it...and Faith that God will fix your marriage, your MLCer... and Accepting the MLC process and that God and your MLCer will do it.

Now, notice how much of that was about you?

NONE...it was all about letting go of something that is external...involving another.

Be Still is personal and has NOTHING to do with anyone else. It is a personal search within onself...and yes, it is a part of Depression too. Stillness is often a feared place...it is solitude and silence where those represses and shameful fragments of Self are heard...and the depresses person doesn't want to hear and face those fragments.

HUGS,
RCR

[Holly06]

RCR,

That is where I am moving to. That is what I want it to be for me.
It can not be about what I want to hear,









rather, what is really being said to me.