Nop, I agree with everything you have written. I can read those words and say yep, that is the right thing to do. I am a fairly intelligent woman who also happens to be quite stupid when it comes to following my emotions. I've already stated several times without anyone having to point out the obvious, that my lack of integrity, morals, and guilt are all contributing much more so to this situation than my "smarts." Giving advice and taking advice are way too divided in my little world. I know what the answers are, I just don't want to face them.
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I don't think the comments on Chrome's thread have helped you at all. It seems to me that they've done nothing more than leave you even less satisfied.
Yes and no to this point. It does help me process my own, ongoing struggle with reaching out to ANYONE, not just what happened with Chrome. That is old news. But my continued desire to have an emotional connection with SOMEONE is the ongoing issue. It's not about Chrome. If it wasn't him it would be someone else.
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Your choices are not your husband's fault
I know that. I am FULLY aware of the potential consequences of my behavior and that my H has been nothing but remorseful for his actions since we have reconciled. I would never blame him for what I am going through AT THIS TIME. With that said, I feel as though it is a much deeper issue than his leaving. The underlying problem was there from day one. Our continued sexual/intimacy struggles are no where near "fixed" even with all of the progress we have made in other areas of our M since reconciliation. So removing all the past mistakes, on my part and his part, I am left with the basic discrepancy that we have oppposite sex drives and opposite ideas of what constitutes a fulfilling sexual R within a M. Strangely, I am very unemotional about approaching this topic anymore with him. I can only change myself and my expectations for the M. I have no control over his level of desire. And boy have I tried! Even when we are at our BEST, our sex life is just not anywhere near what I consider fulfilling.
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You should be pressing into your husband for comfort in the areas where he directly hurt you. He should be the one telling you he is sorry and showing his remorse for his actions and trying to comfort you with reassurances that it won't happen again.
I just don't know how to make this anymore clear to all of you. He is sorry, he comforts me, we have a wonderful M in so many ways. I've said many times we are best friends. We are not lovers. That is as simplistic as I can make it. And it has NOTHING to do with loving each other more, comforting each other more, communicating with each other any more. To make is even more simple, he just doesn't want sex that much and his efforts to initiate about once a month are underwhelming to me. I WANT a H that wants to have sex because he likes it, needs it, wants it. That is not the case. I feel he is doing it with more gusto (if not more frequency) because this has been part of our reconciliation process. But already I see him slipping into old patterns (myself included) and I just don't know how much more effort I have to give. LFL
