Thanks GEL and Heather I took your advice GEL and did have some red wine and chocolate. Can't really beat that combo. Mellowed me out some. Feel a little less spastic this morning although still my usual emotional self. Hard to fight nature. Heather, you crack me up. Marathon. Ha! No, not for me. Although I do like the endorphin rush of exercise. I do at least 2 one-hour cycling/spinning classes a week and also try to get to some body sculpting classes to just work on toning. I've been sort of lazy lately though and eating too much crap. I am definitely going to the gym today though. It just makes me feel better. Body and mind need work. Oh boy, need to get to the bus stop. More later. LFL
My son's bus stop is a real treat (sarcasm). I'm looking around this morning and most of the women look absolutely miserable. Granted it's not supposed to be a rip roaring time but sheesh...crack a smile. And their whole appearance - very overweight, totally frumpy, almost in pajamas, makes me wonder what their M's are like, what their SL is like. Could it possible be good? I have to tell myself no or dammm, there is no hope for me. I try at least, to look good, to smile, to be friendly. WTF. Boy life isn't fair. Anyways, Heather I wanted to comment on one other thing you mentioned about "finding yourself." I find it is easy to slip into bad habits with your spouse. I am fearful of doing that with my H. Maybe that is why I was scrutinizing the women at the bus-stop today. It's like they have completely given up and that is my future if I don't watch myself. The good thing about my separation was that I was forced to find myself and now I have this M that still has some problems and it is tempting to just say F*ck it, sit on the couch eating bon-bons all day and not worry about having a great SL ever again. I think more women do that than we realize. Hmpf. I don't want that and I'm determined to fight it. One way or another. LFL
FWIW...I look at some of what you are saying as my part in maintaining my marriage. Yes, I occasionally have to bring up our SL to my H, because he (like everyone else) has the tendancy to slip back into old habits...so since a more regular SL is important to ME I've learned to view addressing it and not holding it in as my part in maintaining that part of our marriage. Just as I would get my hiney back to the gym when I've been lazy about keeping it in shape in order to maintain my physical health....I do my part to maintain our sexual health as well. It's not that meeting my need in this manner isn't important to him, but being human...he's likely to slip back into old familiar behaviors...I mean he's spent YEARS forming that behavior, when I recognize this it's up to me to speak up quickly about it. In our marriage it really does help.
I honestly don't ever think I'll be able to stop maintaining this part of our marriage...but that's ok because when I look at it as maintenance it makes perfect sense to me that I would continue.
Hi Corri I am home to get my kids on the bus three days a week and usually off the bus every day. Grandma watches them if I need to be at work. As stated before, I have a graduate degree which I have been putting to use teaching at the associate level. I teach a few day classes and night classes, alternating days so I don't have a 9-5 job. Works out good for the kids right now because I am basically working 20 hours a week instead of a full time job. Due to the need of my teaching schedule, I am not currently in a clinical setting (used to work in a mental health center, individual and group counseling for people with lots of serious mental illnesses, personality disorders, etc). That's where the woman threw the lighter at me, lol. Fun stuff. Anyways, I was a full time SAHM from 2000 (right after first child born) until H left (2004). Luckily, I had a connection at the college that got my foot in the door for a job and frankly, I enjoy the teaching part a little more than the clinical aspects of my degree. I've got enough of my own problems to deal with, lol. You burn out really fast working with that population. So that's that. I'm in the helping fields either way so it fits my personality. I couldn't imagine working behind a desk crunching numbers or anything like that. Just not me. LFL
it is tempting to just say F*ck it, sit on the couch eating bon-bons all day and not worry about having a great SL ever again. I think more women do that than we realize. Hmpf. I don't want that and I'm determined to fight it. One way or another.
Of course you don't want that-I definitely don't see you as the type to let it all go, you have too much energy for that. The boredom of eating bon-bons all day would kill you The women who've stopped paying attention to their own neeeds and let themselves go have begun the path of their dysfunction, IMO. They give their H's plenty of "excuses" to cheat, look at porn, put sex on the back burner, and a whole host of other BS. Then those women have to start at the bottom, working on themselves and fixing their dysfunction. You're miles ahead of that game and I don't see you going backward.
"Happiness is a butterfly, which, when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you."
I honestly don't ever think I'll be able to stop maintaining this part of our marriage...but that's ok because when I look at it as maintenance it makes perfect sense to me that I would continue.
Ugh. I hear you GEL. The emotional romantic in me hates that answer though. The realist in me sees how it makes perfect sense. I've been with my H for a long time (almost 15 years), I've been in a SSM most of that time, and I'm still here plugging away. I love him. Neither of us are perfect. And I am trying to focus on that for now. Desperately hoping the impulsive side of me doesn't do anything stupid to cause even more problems. But that's me. Half realistic, half off the wall. LFL
Well, I am really struggling right now. I've appreciated all the comments made on Chrome's thread and need some direction in how to proceed here in my own M. My thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are not in a solid place to work on my M. I don't know how much of this I should be sharing with my H. I'm usually a fairly honest person when it comes to expressing my feelings so the disconnect with H lately is really worrying me. I'm also feeling some resentment again regarding his leaving and I question whether I will ever truly come to grips with that fact. I use that event to justify some of my own current thoughts and behaviors and I know that is a no win situation. I am having thoughts of just escaping, ending the whole M. It is still just fantasy but it is disturbing to me. And if the kids weren't involved it would be a whole other story. I just don't know what to do. Should I suck it up and deal with these feelings and see if they pass or should I talk to my H and risk creating more of a rift? I do love him but the lack of passion/connection is just about killing me. Maybe some of you see a clear answer but I sure don't. LFL
I do love him but the lack of passion/connection is just about killing me. Maybe some of you see a clear answer but I sure don't.
Is that something you can tell your H, "I do love you, but the lack of passion/connection is just about killing me."
I tell BB something like this but it is usually countered with "well you did xyz...." so nothing gets resolved.
I think the "I do love you, but the lack of passion/connection is just about killing me." is honest and non-judgmental.
About the waiting till these feelings pass, well I suspect they will pass and are slightly over emphasized right now. It's the old "I have it fairly good" one feels on Monday. Nothing changes and by Thursday "life sucks."
I am having thoughts of just escaping, ending the whole M. It is still just fantasy but it is disturbing to me.
Thanks. That makes me feel good.