Tam, less than a week ago, you reported that he had told you "the" thing (as far as I know the only thing he's told you that he'd like you to work on)

Quote:
I asked him if it was because of me or because of him that he wasn't ready. He said both of us. So I asked him if he could tell me what *I* could be working on. He said he didn't like what we were doing now (meaning having that conversation). I've obviously known this all along, that he doesn't like talking about the M/R right now and that it's anti-DBing to do so.


and yet almost the next time you saw him you went in for the jugular.

I'm completely at a loss with you for the first time. It's like you just ignore everything you don't want to deal with and by ignoring it you are making like it didn't happen or it isn't real?

It's like you don't have any self control. Can't you just 'keep yourself nice' until you get through this period of separation?

That stuff about him saying he was angry and you believing that it was about BNL and SNL. Are you serious? I don't believe you are that far in denial.

You called him several times during the night when there was the hot water emergency. You're a 30 something year old woman, you had help, why did you have to leave so many messages for him? You can't deal with one set of problems yourself? Don't defend it, I'm sure you have lots of reasons why you had to contact him, but I don't buy them. You had an excuse to call him, speak to him, check up on him - whatever. Just at least be honest with yourself about it.

I hope your anger is a result of you becoming realistic about the fact that you and your husband are separated and he has no desire whatsoever to tell you where he is or what he's doing. You want the marriage. He doesn't. That's the story. I'm sorry if that's brutal, but that's where you are at.

He can tell you he wants to 'work-on-us' until he's blue in the face, but I'm not buying it, and I don't think you are either.

If you don't get it together and present yourself as someone it's worth being with you will not save your marriage.

It's as simple, or as complicated, as that.

I'm sorry Tam. I know you want me to point out the positives, and I started drafting this post with a whole lot of stuff about how good it was that you didn't go to the family party - but I was being disingenuous, because my reading of it was that your H had no intention of inviting you - he doesn't see you guys as being together - and hence you not going (except as a stalker because BNL & SNL invited you separately - and maybe they did that because there's gossip in the family because he's dropped some hints or something)you weren't ever going to that party.

You can do this. I know you can. Dig deeper Tam. It's there, you just have to find it.

God Bless.

V

Never make someone a priority, who makes you an option.