Hi almosthopeful and Hardlesson Thanks for the support, I very much appreciate it. I have read ahead a bit though I keep reading the first 5 because that is where I am. 1) is denial, I still am there at times, hard to believe but sometimes I wake up thinking this is all just a bad dream and there is time to fix things. I have to stop myself from trying to go into the past about a 50 times a day. 2) is fear, I have lots of fears. How much more is this going to hurt, how long is going to hurt this bad. I'm worried I will start a relationship with someone by rationalizing it rather than seeing it as a way to escape the pain. Fortuantely I have not met anyone who I would want to be in a relationship with. I've had some interst, which is nice, but nothing that has peeked my interest. I'm in no shape for anthing any way. I can barely function at a normal level let alone be in relationship with anyone. 3) adaptation, 4) loneliness - lots of that, 5) frienship - working on building those. I jump up to 6) rejection, 7) grief and 8) anger at times. I thought the bomb was the most humbeling experience of my life. Growing and learning from this book is much more humbeling. I feel embarrassed a times, angery at myself at times, ashamed of my arrogance and ignorance. I will be glad when I have climbed higher and I'm able to forgive myself. Well I'm off to read my new favorite book and have the hockey game on in the back ground, over-time ya know. 4
