4 hours ago I left my apartment and I left up my response to the quote below without posting it. I wanted to think. Maybe I am so far out in left field and our sitches and life circumstances are too different. Maybe in no way was your wife ever like I was. Fact is, I don't know. But you do. So I have decided to offer you a bird's eye view of my past, before my MLC. Perhaps somewhere in it, you might catch a glimpse of your own wife and realize she might not be as self-centered as you think. If my post has no meaning to you whatsoever, that's fine, too. It was actually therapeutic in a way for me to blast it off like I did. At any rate, I doubt you'll be saving any of these AmyC quotes..... Peace
Quote:
She is a stay at home mom. I think that is great and have worked hard to accomodate this situation. I have done things like go 2 or 3 days with little or no sleep so I could work as much as possible, teaching, working my shift and then picking up overtime. I've done this for years. Never once complained, never even crossed my mind. Her biggest, most stressful decision of the day after getting the kids out the door is, do I tan first or workout first? Then there is the uber stress imposed by deciding who and where to meet for lunch. The stress doesn't end there, because she has to be back home by a certain time in the afternoon to make sure she is there when the kids get home from school. God, the pressure cooker she lives in!
God forbid she should stay awake until I get home every now and then to ask how my day went or spend time with me. Screw that. She will be on the phone with her friend when I walk in the door, by the time I get cleaned up and ready for bed, she is "asleep". Must be that intense schedule, takes it out of you. And no, you can't ask her about the emotional affair issue, it's not like that, it's just a really good friend and just because she talks to her for 3-4 hours a day on the phone, asap after waking, numerous calls, texts and e-mails throughout the day and then right before falling asleep, doesn't mean anything or that it's taking anything from us. Then she has the gall to tell me how she "needs" her Friday and Saturday nights out with her friend. She also needs to be able to go out of town when her friend has a business trip, "all" we have to pay for is the ticket, as the hotel and stuff will be covered by her friends business. Oh, and she needs to be able to hang out with her friend as much as possible, Wednesday and Thursday night after church and practice, since she is out there so why not? So let's see, that's what, 4-5 nights a week, plus hours on the phone, texting or e-mailing. Yup. Nothing there could possibly be taking away from our R.
No doubt about it, your wife sounds spoiled and I think she might even have the idea that she is "entitled" but I have another mental picture to paint for YOU.
How many kids do you have? What were their early years like? Were you working all the time then? If so, and she was home alone with them all day/evening, there is a hell of a lot of stress attached to that. The attitude conveyed in your words above chapped my ass immensely because I lived like this: My husband was working all the time, picking up all the OT he could to support us. Make no mistake it was anything BUT a lavish lifestyle, though. I had a 2 year old when my H and I got married. No "baby daddy" in the picture so there were no every other weekend visits for him to go to. My husband took that kid and raised him and loved him like his own. Then we had our daughter when S was 3. It was decided I would stay home for two reasons: 1) My husband wanted me with them while they were young and 2) any money I could have made would be eaten up by daycare expenses. I got up early with the baby, fed her, changed her, played with her. She went back to sleep. S would wake up, need breakfast, we'd play on the floor with his cars. D would be up again. Then lunch and maybe we'd go do something like go to a park. That was free. By the time my daughter could walk the ducks at the lake knew her and the SPCA petting zoo animals knew my son enough that the damn ostrich chased ONLY HIM every time and he remembers that to this day. In the midst of all that fun there was always trips to the potty, drive-thru's for fries, greasy hand prints to clean off something and noses to wipe. Hell yes, I was tired when we got home. But it was always a good day. H only briefly worked days before going to 2nd shift. Then he got home at 11:30. Oh wait, that was if he didn't go out with the guys for a beer (which would bring a new, fresh hell home). My afternoons then were spent with a pre-schooler and a toddler. We did "aht's and crafts" and made pictures with googly eyes for Daddy to find when he got home. We had SD over and we made hula skirts out of newspaper and ate pineapples. I took them to the dentist, the doctor, the beach, trick-or-treating and to sit on the Easter Bunny and Santa's lap. I juggled the light bill with the rent payment and I made the phone calls for the extensions. Weekends he was off, I can count on one hand the things we did as a family other than eat together when he would grill steaks. He picked out a hamster for D's 4th birthday. He taught S how to ride a bike. He had one hand on the back of that bicycle seat and a beer in the other hand.
You worked all the time and were exhausted??? Try raising kids by yourself. Your wife has a friend? Her brain would be the equivalent of strained peas if she didn't. Besides, who left her alone for so long?
As kids get older and enter school and have activities, they dont need us "stay at home" moms so much. By then, though, maybe like me, your wife didn't know WHO the hell she was OTHER THAN MOM. Her hair, nails, tanning etc...theyare patches. They fill a void.
Oh, I'd just friggin' betcha....
Don't question why a woman like that would end up in MLC or any other crisis.
And you think it all passed when the kids started school? HAA! There's housework, homework, friend problems to listen to...places to go, groceries to buy, clothes to wash. Who washes and puts away all your clothes? Do you sleep in a clean bed? Is there dust on top of your entertainment center? Do you have pets? Who takes your children to church? Who read/reads with them? Who prays with them? Who goes to school conferences and makes sure their immunizations are up to date, who signs them up for their activities...?
Now is not the time to get up on a soapbox and talk about all you sacrificed over the years to give. Sometimes in all that "giving" you can really be losing and never even see it til someone (in this case, your wife) pulls the pin outta the grenade.
Instead of self-righteousness, take a week off of work. Send your wife away to a spa or something.
Then walk a mile in her shoes.
When she gets back, I guaran-damn-tee you you'll want to go get your nails done and chit-chat with a friend, too!
How'd things get to this point, tyler?
THAT is what you need to ask yourself honestly. I get the feeling your wife has been on her own for a long time and you just noticed it when she pulled the rug out from under you.
If I am out of line, I apologize but something in your post just really fired me up.
