IMO, you are treading on dangerous ground here. You have stated a good argument why your H should own up to his actions, why your family is justified in wanting to protect you, why he should own up to his actions so your family can forgive him, and plenty more reasons I am sure. But you know what? None of that matters! The bottom line is either your H or your family. This is a classic power struggle and one that dysfunctional families fall into ALL THE TIME and YES, YOUR FAMILY IS DYSFUNCTIONAL.
Why is that important? Because your family is guilty of splitting. They are driving a wedge between you two, just as a child will ask one parent for permission to have a cookie, does not get it, and goes to ask the other. In the kid’s eyes he did not do anything wrong. One either parent’s eyes. Neither did anything wrong. Yet an argument will ensue.
The parent need to agree to stand together and not be split. You need to decide to either stand with your H and not your family, or you might as well D. Even listening to your family’s complaints about your H, no matter how valid and sound they may be, will cause you to split with your H. The thing is that you may not feel like you are splitting, but he certainly feels like you are.
Remember that you did not want to go to his office because you think he had bad mouthed you to the whole company? You would feel very uncomfortable walking into his office, not knowing what others might be thinking of you, what he might have said to them. How does that differ from this situation?
Think of another example. Say your child is grown, has kids and is now divorcing. Whose side are you going to take, your child’s or the spouse? No matter what your child may have done right or wrong, I would think a mother will ALWAYS side with her child, right? THAT is loyalty and devotion. I think your H wants the same from you, just as you want that from him.
I am going to change my advice to you because I think this whole issue of splitting is going to take some time for you to come to terms with. If you want to go to Vegas, offer to take the kids, I have not been but I hear there are lots of family things to do there. That can be your compromise to him. Ask him if he will tolerate a dinner or something like that with your sister, then spend the rest of the trip without her, just you, your H and your kids.
Seriously think about this splitting thing. He is not reacting as he does for no reason. Even if he is 100% guilty of instigating the whole thing, you are still going to have to decide whose side you are on. There will be plenty of times yet to come that he sees things differently than your family. Don’t let something that seems so insignificant to you now grow into something that can and WILL destroy your marriage.
