Ok, just got done with lunch a couple hours ago. The first thing I did, was give her a big hug and told her that she looks very beautiful. Then we sat outside at a cafe and had lunch and just talked about what each of us had been up too. After, I expected her to say that she had to go (like she did right before the seperation), but to my suprise she asked if I wanted to go get some desert. So we walked to this bakery and had a cupcake and a lemon bar. We were both very upbeat and everything. I made her laugh so hard that she almost had ice tea come out of her nose. I playfully teased her and she liked that. I also made sure that I walked in between her and the street, that was something I always did when things were great, not sure if she noticed. She then said that she missed me, I about lost it, but didn't let it show. I told her that I missed her a lot too. After a little bit longer she said that she has realized a lot during this seperation, and that if we were both willing to try she would like to try and work towards rebuilding us again. I told her that she was completely right about the seperation. I told her that no matter how much I wanted it to work, it just couldn't, but I don't hate her and I still love her so much. I really hope that wasn't too much. After having a good conversaion (not about us or the R) I walked her back home and she gave me probably the biggest and longest hug she has ever given me, I gave her a kiss on the cheek and I left. All calm and composed, when I looked back she was watching me with a big smile on her face.
I guess I'm not really sure what we are doing now. Before I left I answered her question. I looked into her eyes and told her that if we did do this again, things would be different if she was willing to try I was more than willing, and she said, 'I know'. Whats that mean? I guess I'm trying to protect myself from getting hurt again. She seems so loving and caring about us today, but I feel like now she needs to show it in the coming days. I'm going out tonight with some friends, and I'm not sure if I should call her tomorrow or not. I kind of want to see if she will call me to be honest. I think that I will send her some spring flowers on Monday though, since she just raved about how much her mom loved hers. Just with a nice card telling her how much fun I had on Sat. How can I get through this period? Part of me feels kind of hurt, but I'm not sure why. I guess looking at our first meeting, things really could not have gone any better, but why am I so sad? I really wish that either she would have say get out of my life, or she would love and act with me the way she used to when things were amazing, I think the uncertainity is going to drive me nuts. I miss her so much. When I looked at her while she was talking all these loving feelings rushed back to me, but I didn't let it show, she really means the world to me, but I'm scared. What should I do? Should I distance myself from her to see if she comes to me? Or do I need to still be the one to make the effort since this was just our fist meeting? Please help and give some wisdom! Thanks!
