My husband has essentially "checked out" - is this now pointless?

I am 39, H is 38, we have a D6, married 12 years, together 18. All this has come about in last 6 to 9 months (his realization of problems and request for divorce ... see my earlier threads).

Now, he refused to commit to a minimum # of marriage counseling sessions, so we've agreed that the only logical step is to divorce. He doesn't even see the wisdom in separating. So, I have done a few things in the interest of self-protection (opened an individual checking account, to which my paychecks will go, etc.), and have told him it is only fair that from this point forward we divide our common bills equally, until we have legally split. For this last year, I have paid bulk of bills, while he has attempted to start a business. Now that he has asked for a divorce, I don't see how I could reasonably be expected to support him while he's divorcing me.

We've also had preliminary discussions about custody. I have an appointment with a lawyer for next week, but we still would like to try to move our divorce through mediation, if we can.

I guess my question is, my husband seems to be operating out of a place of unrealistic perceptions and expectations (like thinking we're going to still be together at various family functions; requesting to come over a few times a week to help with our daughter's bedtime routine; and assuming he'll be dropping by to fix things around the house). Is there any point to employing DB/DM suggestions now, especially that he is so very "gone" from the relationship? I have been very kind, but told him that those things (suggested above) are a possibility right now, just in terms of my need to move on with my life, because of his decision.

I still love him and believe good, intensive counseling could help us, but he is 100 percent opposed. I know I should be focusing on my own life, which I am for the most part, and am doing a number of things to make me happy and put my energy into my daughter's needs too ... but in a situation like this, is there any point? There are so many other issues at stake, but he doesn't see that.

Thanks for any advice folks have. I hate this situation and I hate the ups and downs and heartbreak, but I don't know how else to handle things. Thank you!