The bipolar meds are new...maybe less than 6mos he's been on them....I tried to get him to seek help years ago for his anger/rage issues and he took the meds 3wks and said he could "do it on his own"...the thing w/the bipolar meds that I can't seem to get across to him are that he will never know if they are *truly* working as long as he's smoking the pot..duh? You can't get your head straight if it's all up in the clouds....it feels as though he is saying he will make all these changes, but there are very few actions to back that up and I get the distinct impression that he is only going to *truly* change if he has some kind of confirmation that it will 'get' him results. To me, that's total BS...he should be making the changes for HIM and for the KIDS, not solely to 'win' me back...
As for fear..yes, I fear him. In the past I have been threatened numerous times. He has a permit to LEGALLY carry a firearm ...I ordered all guns out of the house over 8mos ago and will never have one here again...but how do you renew a permit for someone that is bipolar, ADD/ADHD and has Explosive rage disorder??? Gotta love the government....he's threatened to hurt himself many, many times in the past in an attempt to manipulate me to stay or apologize for whatever non-existant thing I did to piss him off...the rage has subsided the past few months, but I cannot seem to get past all that's been said and done...I believe in my heart that it takes a certain kind of person to be that cruel...like a fatal character flaw...how do I love someone that lacks respect, integrity? I don't think I can....yet I have no family support at all right now...my parents are convinced I'm having an affair (totally not true, never cheated in my LIFE!)...they have seen his rages and even been on the tail end of it, but I kept a lot to myself in the fear that "if" things got better, I didn't want them to be different towards him...stupid of me , i see that now....this is all just so hard..
