I can't thank you all enough for your support, it really helps! I hope he really is wanting to get close to me, but obviously my self esteem is in the gutter right now. I find it hard to imagine he's attracted to me after being with someone new and exciting who in my mind must have a better body(never had kids), be better in bed, etc. I've heard it's a fine line between working on a marriage after an affair and becoming a doormat. I have made it clear that I am working on forgiving ONCE and if anything inappropriate happens again, I am gone! But, there is the part of me that completely feels like the doormat! He had his fun and is now back and his wife is having sex with him again. He has had the best of both worlds and it makes me very disgusted, resentful etc. Soooo.. it's very tempting to use my same old control issue and withhold sex. I know this is what got me in this mess in the first place but it is a hard habit to break. How do you get that control and feeling of safety back in your life without becoming so damn vulnerable?
