Am I Being Used

[Elmrjfud]

Just my opinion skittles, but from what you've written this sounds like a very abusive relationship. maybe not physically but emotionally at least. If it's as bad as you've said, it would seem that you need to get away from him, for your own sanity. If it is eating away at you about the financial stuff just remember that there are always options, you seem to be in control of the family finances so there are probably ways you can cut him off, or at least keep him from draining you to the point where the utilities get shut off or your kids don't eat. You need to look out for yourself and your kids now. Worrying about whether he gets half of your retirement and or savings if and when you are divorced is a valid concern of course, but if your life is a living hell right now you must make some change. I'm not saying you should rush into a divorce, but you should look at any options available to you to protect yourself and your kids. If you can afford it you may want to seek out an attorney who can advise you on protecting your assets. you may not be able to do anything about your retirement fund if a divorce occurs, but retirement is a long way off and many things can change. you may be able to at least put some of your savings into trust for your kids so that it cannot be touched... i'm no lawyer but i think you need to do something, anything, that may help you in your situation and give you some peace of mind. Always remember that money is not everything. If you have your kids and your happiness, everything else is almost irrelevant. You sound like a responsible person. You have been, and will continue to provide for your kids with or without him. I think you must stand up for yourself. Even if only a little step at a time.

just the opinion of a fellow newbie DBer.

Come here often, seek help and advice, there are some very good people here. You are not alone.