If H calls tonight, I don't think I'll answer the phone. If he wants to leave a message, I'll let the answering machine pick up .. it will let me know if he's in an alien mode before actually talking to him.
Getting the new locks put on doors right now. I will sleep better tonight.
Changing locks is good idea for your safety... remember that! for in some states if you change the locks on a house that has his name on the deed he can make a stink about it... would not put it past him right now.
but you need to feel safe and you need to do this for who knows what he will do if he starts to crash. If he shows up and is not calm do not let him in. Make sure that he is not in a state of rage. I have read where they when the pressure gets too much they lose it.
The D papers I got the settlement agreement in the mail on a Sat. in Nov. and the walk to the house which is 150 ft felt like a million miles long. I shook for hrs and I had seen these same papers 3 mon earlier when he thought he wanted to D the second time. There is nothing that can prepare you for the unexpected appearance of papers. I know that thinking of it consumes me some times.
Remember to take care of you. Relax tonight do something for you. If you are stressed when he calls you are not going to deal with this as well as if you have calmed down and have a plan of what to say in your mind. You might want to write some things down since you know he is going to call or show up.
stay strong show him how strong you are and how calm and caring you are acting he might realize what he is dealing with now. because.........
You never know this is going to be a crisis for him and he might just lose it and fall apart and realize he screwed up big time. Then remember this too.... OW? still there? she is going to have to deal with him and his reaction to this and if she has not had to do this before... oh... stress on that fantasyland relationship. Reality is going to hit that R big time now. The fun is going to become real life drama..she may just show her true colors if she thinks she is going to lose where she is living.
Isn't this what makes the A fall apart sometimes? Keep the faith that he will realize when she can't give him the emotional support he needs that he still loves you.
Me the totally negative person according to H has learned to be positive... things happen for a reason sometimes.......
H
m24 yrs h 50 me 47 s 21 s 17 left 5-30-06, and 12-4-06 still gone.............
Val, Might you reconsider answering the phone? I might. I think we need to prepare for the worst (change the locks) and hope for the best. I think you can still hope that H will not spew. You know him, I don't. Just wondering if you should reconsider this. You see, H loves you. You know he does. He said it. You did not do it, but your reaction (changing locks, not answering the phone) says otherwise. You need to feel safe so the lock thing is great, but maybe, maybe H will want a rational explaination. If you answer the phone, that might speak volumes. I dunno. I just wanted to suggest you not act guilty. You aren't. You have nothing to hide, and dignity and grace becomes you. I have learned a valuable lesson lately, If you assume, assume the best. Holly
Bomb 1/06 D dismissed 11/07, attempt reconciliation. Premature. Divorce final October 31, 2008. OW looks like bad history. Over. Still hopeful. Baby steps. In R with my X.
Yep, I also remember well the day I got D papers in the mail .. very unexpected b/c H had begun calling me again and things were looking very positive. Anyway, I signed for the papers and my hand was shaking so badly I could barely sign my name.
I have discovered that when I'm under stress, all my DB lessons fly out the window .. so what did I do that day? I immediately called H on the phone and asked what the heck was going on! (A tactic not recommended on this board). H stuttered and stammered and said he would explain it all later. His "explanation" was that he told his lawyer to drop the D but the papers had already been mailed by L's secretary (probably not true, but that was his story and he stuck to it). The D action was eventually dropped.
Anyway, some memories are embedded in your memory bank forever, and the day I signed for those D papers is one of them, as I'm sure you'll never forget getting your property settlement papers. You're just never prepared, regardless.
HB, I too wonder if the OW is still in the picture. She was bragging to people about "her" new house. Once she reads the court documents, she may realize that the house is half mine, and if the court makes H sell it, the profits will be half mine as well. Sometimes it takes seeing the written word to make a stubborn brain see the light.
Val, Please make your own decision. I just wanted to give another viewpoint. You will do great! Holly
Bomb 1/06 D dismissed 11/07, attempt reconciliation. Premature. Divorce final October 31, 2008. OW looks like bad history. Over. Still hopeful. Baby steps. In R with my X.
hb2 most def from MLC....he was so kind and caring before...no he is as cold and dead like as can be....early on..a yr ago he kept saying he would take care of me in a divorce....no he spews an angry spew of how i will clean him out....he has refused interim spousal support so we have a court hearing June 12....he wants to refuse alimony as well.....
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
Not sure if you are still on tonight or if he has called yet. my 2 cents worth agrees with Holly here. I have a weird version of sanity in dealing with my H. Mine responds to kindness and attention. I have been told over and over to shut him out and don't answer the phone and be cold and no responsive. I can't do that it is not my nature any more and I feel that I am sending the wrong signal.
Now I do let the machine pick up if I am in a horrible mood and pain and I might say something to trigger him or I might whine about things in the house. But I usually talk to him and if he calls it is because he wants to talk. I never call him.
so hopefully you can stay focused and find the right feeling in your gut as to what you feel is the right thing to do.
I have learned from the DB info and all the people I read last summer to respond and not react and it worked every time. Now I seem to be so messed up I can't make a sentence come out right.
hope it all goes well and you get a good nights sleep. HB2
m24 yrs h 50 me 47 s 21 s 17 left 5-30-06, and 12-4-06 still gone.............
