Sashaying thru Seperation II

[mcojh]

Arrgh locked up again.


Just got home from the closing on my re-finance. W makes so many odd statements. One minute she is talking future statements and other times not.

Oh well, making supper for the boys then out for our date.

[theoden]

MC,

Your hunk of burning man-love.

A sex dynamo.

Go get her...

--Theoden

[mcojh]

Just got home from "date night". I would describe it as a really good time. We went to the hole in the wall pizza place and then to a local watering hole that had a singer who did covers of current hits.

We had some reallly good talk, about every thing, including R talks.

I dropped her off at about 10:30, and walked her to her door. I gave her a hug, and we looked at each other and I thought I would give her a kiss, but unfortunately she pulled away and said, no. I said that it must have been the beer, we laughed and said goodnight.

All and all, I am a stud.

Smile and wave

[mcojh]

Feel free to break out your 2x4's.

I got a fit of snooping this morning, and when I got up I looked at W's cell record online. As soon as she got home from our "date" she called the OM for 22 min. Why she called him on her cell rather than her regular phone is beyond me. But it really bugs the sh!t out of me! How can we have such a good time and then she turns around and does that?

She obviously was thinking about him and not me when we were out, or at least that is how it makes me feel. I thought last night was such a great night, now all that positive is gone. I feel like she was just there, but thinking about the OM all night. I would love to confront her on this, but I know I cannot do that, but it really confuses me.

Am I being used by her or what???????

Waving, but very little smile today.

[~Sol]

I think all WAS's use us MC. They don't think at all, and they don't freakin realize the damage they are doing to their own families!

I think the OPs should fall off the face of the earth!

[lovelyolive]

Hi Mc - Nice job on the date last night. Try not to let the fact that your W called OM upset you too much. You left her with good feelings for you and that's what counts. The hardest thing is that when we start to see some movement forward, we expect our S's to just give up the OP right away. Sad to say - it doesn't usually happen that quickly. PLUS - you never know what they talked about!!!! OM can't be happy that he is losing ground. HA!

My date went well, too Pretty non-eventful.. lots of hand-holding. So, that was nice. Of course, NO R talk but H did kind of slip up (?) and said something about staying at a nice condo next fall.. hmmm... I just ignored the comment and moved on with the convo. I did have an irritating thing happen this morning as well, though. Not sure if I handled it ok or not. A text came in from ow and I just picked up H phone and said (with zero emotion) - you have a message. He said nothing.. what could he say?? We've talked about this before and how disruptive it is. Should I have handled it differently?

[SuperDad]

MC,
Again you have learned why it's way better not to snoop! I know this is incredibly hard and I have my weak moments as well, but it never makes me happy after I do it, so it's our own damned faults! Forget about the fact that she is calling the OM, it does not matter at all. Just act as if you are dating a woman, but not in a commited relationship with her. How whould this make you react in that case? For me, it would motivate me to try to find ways to make myself more interesting/attractive to her. And remember, that does not involve pursuing, but rather getting a life!

For now, try to focus back on the emotions of your date and the fact that your M still has a chance.

LO, you did GREAT! He knows you know and he knows that you did not let it phase you. Perfect DBing!

SD

[Heartbroken]

MC - you need to just focus on the positives!!! She moved out b/c of OM you just have to accept this fact. She must be confused in that she is doing these dates with you - I don't think it's using you. You cannot guess what she is thinking while with you or with the OM so don't even try - you just set yourself up to be mad/disappointed. She could be refusing to even talk to/see you at all and then where would you be?

I know it's so hard - I let H get the apt just to 'play' bachelor and I knew when he was going out with OW and when OW stayed the night and it bothered me then and it is still below the surface now (for me)- but if I would have just ended it then we would be done.

You have to decide if you are in this for the long haul and if not that's okay but only you can make that decision. We all have unique sitches but w/so many common BS items- these WAS are just so sad and really not the people we married. All we can do is try and hang in there with our faith and hope that they will snap out of it... Baby Steps dude! I see how far you have come - keep at it!

[mcojh]

Thanks guys. I just am in the valley of the roller coaster I think. It was the fact that it was right when I dropped her off that got me. I know that I am gaining ground every day. Whether or not it is with her remains to be seen. I know I am becoming a much better person and that is what counts.

A couple positives from last night, she commented on my clothes and cologne. I know she likes the fact that I am in better shape and I know I look much better. I really did have a good time with her and I hope she did as well. I flirted a little with her and it looked like she liked it.

Just like David Cunningham wrote, she asked several questions that were in fact statements and statements that were questions. Knowing this made the conversation much easier.

I do have an important question though. I am going out with a friend tonight. W is going to be at his house visiting with his W who is her close friend. Last night, my W told me that it wouldn't bother her if I picked my friend up, so he didn't have to drive. Is this a good idea? I will be dressed to kill and be able to let her see me.

Thanks again for the compassionate 2x4ing.

Smiling and waving...again...

[Heartbroken]

I think that is fine! Just remain the cool and aloof MC and keep the mystery going!

H told me today - it was a really hard decision - he didn't want to hurt either OW or me. But I said you were hurting me all along and he said in his state at the time he could not see that... THE FOG IS HEAVY!

Good luck tonight!