Awesome. Yes I downloaded FMO to my INNO. It was quite enlightening in the pop up respect. And your story cements it in for me considerably. Very helpful, thank you.
As a matter of fact I see a lot of things through it. In general I'm quite the optimist and I relish solving problems (this one has certainly put me to task more than any other though). Well up until recent times My Wife was an extreme pessimist. Strangely that's what attracted me to her. Long black hair, always dressed in black, and a very dark sense of humor. It appealed to me. Yes I was a Vonnegut fan big time, so it goes) Even now describing it is a turn on.
But that dark sided had, well, a dark side. As all pessimists do, she called herself a realist. And that pissed me off.
She's way beyond that now (on the surface) but inside it's probably still writhing and eating at her.
So our early troubles basically went like this. I'd come up with a brilliant idea (which I did nearly every day, I've got business concept ideas like little boxes sitting on the shelf waiting to be opened) and then she'd shoot it down. Every day. So I grew to hate the thing that attracted me in the first place.
Now mind you this evolved during a very scary point in our lives. We were literally constantly watching over our shoulder 24/7. There were some really bad people that wanted us gone. The easiest way to describe it was like leaving a combination mafia/ cult.
Now that I understand the pop up model I understand just a little better what was going on in her head. I've learned how strong she is by living through that but getting a better understanding of how her mind works now I know she is even far stronger than I ever imagined.
I also realize how much I probably underestimate her concerns which leads to a lack of validation when I need to validate. I.E. I am not as good at listening and validating as I thought I was. Makes me a little sad to think that.
I have a training partner who's an extremely overwhelming person. His mouth moves as fast as his hands. You can't get a word in edgewise with him. He's so into his own thoughts that he doesn't hear anything unless he wants to. Actually you can tell he hears it but shrugs it off. You can only tell this because he'll pick up on some things and then go off on a tangent on that point. I mostly laugh about it. Doesn't bother me mostly. But then I'm thinking, what if that's how I'm perceived by her. I can certainly understand how this would not be good. It would make her feel small and unloved. Ughh that's a terrible thought.
So I just got a call. I think we just won the parent leadership award for our community. (funny cause we don't have kids of our own). I swear she looked like she wanted to hug and kiss me but gave me a high five instead.
