Hey, cj, are you sure your H and mine aren't related? I guess whatever he plans, even if it's the last minute, act as if it is a great idea, because I don't think most men think far enough ahead to do reservations. I think when they are trying to impress someone, they will do every thing they can to plan things to the last detail, like when you were first dating, or probably for the ones unfortunate enough to have a straying H, when they meet ow. So, I just wonder if because your H is feeling a bit happier with you the last few days, maybe he will make more of an effort.
And it's the worst when they sulk the whole time, and my H doesn't get over stuff like that very easily, he lets it build up inside for years. And he told me recently that he has never forgiven anyone anything other than something minor that they have done to him. I hope that wasn't true. Cause that will just eat him up, and I think it can eventually cause illness.
Oh, and DIY is do it yourself. I have had to learn to do stuff myself, even though sometimes I am not the best at it, but hey, I try! I am about to learn how to do siding repair. Yuck!!
H asked me this morning what I would like to do tomorrow. Would I like to go to dinner and a movie? Exactly the question I was dreading. Hesitantly, I asked him if there was something a little more special we could do. He said the kids are going to dinner and prom. That is special. I said, "It's special for them. They get to dress up and go to a nice restaurant by themselves then go dancing. Kids don't get to go to nice restaurants by themselves very often. Still looking worried, he asked what I had in mind. Even more hesitantly, "Something romantic." I didn't want to use that word, but I couldn't think of what else to say. As he was going out the door to work, he said, I don't know what I can do to make it romantic. I said, "You have to create romance." He said, "We'll have to think about this," and left.
I was worried that he would stress over how to make me happy on this. So I browsed the internet for some simple romance ideas. I found one about making a reservation and asking the waiter to bring a bouquet of flowers when they bring the main course. Another idea was a night time picnic in a park and cuddling under the stars. One more was one person preparing a candlelight dinner while the other makes a love nest in the bedroom so there is still an element of surprise for both. I sent a link to the web site so he could look for more if he didn't like those. I also suggested just going out to dinner or an early movie so we could come home and enjoy having the house to ourselves. I suggested that I could make a special dessert. I asked him to please not stress over this. Let's not loose the good feelings we've had. I will do whatever you want to.
I've probably messed things up royal. I should have followed your advice and agreed to his dinner and movie and just been glad for what we've had so far. It is probably too soon to expect more romance than that right now. I am so worried about how he is taking this.
I haven't found any posts in these forums about men who don't know how to be romantic. Are there any out there? Has anyone figured out how to overcome this?
By the way, as I've been reading other posts throughout the forums, I have found several that say their previous thread locked up. Why does a thread lock up? What happens when it locks up?
I believe it is when you get about a hundred posts, it will stop allowing any more post on that particular thread, so you can just start a new one with the same title or a different one.
Maybe your H will take the lead and really think about something romantic to do, but he probably has gotten his feelings hurt, because in his eyes, maybe dinner and a movie with just the two of you is romantic. I have gotten lunch out with my H, and wish we could have dinner out, but he won't take the suggestion, so I have to be content with lunch for now. I asked my H a little while ago, when he was talking about getting back on his exercise routine, if we could go walking in the evening, and said I would love a walking partner, but he said it was too late at night for walking when he gets home. I guess I will have to do that alone then. I am hoping when we get the den and garage fixed up, we can do up an exercise area, and put in a treadmill for me, and we already have weight machines, and bicycles. It's funny that you said you and your H had a disagreement over the carpet tiles to use down there, because my H and I are talking about what to put down when we remove the carpeting, and we so far like the idea of carpet tiles. Are they terribly expensive?
Maybe if you tell your H that you didn't mean that you didn't like the idea of dinner and a movie, and think it would be fun, he would maybe not be sulky? That you were hoping for it to be with something else added to make it really special because you think he is so special that you wanted the night to be memorable with him. And let him pick the movie, even if it's a guy flick, with lots of blood, gore, car chases, and all that testerone filled stuff, which I actually really like. It makes my heart race to see a good martial arts fight!! Plus it gives you a topic to talk about for awhile.
I think if he is happy with a belly full of good food, a good action movie, and you sitting next to him, that he would turn and smile at you, because you really enjoyed what he chose for you two to do, it will make it romantic right there.
Good Luck, and I hope he isn't upset with you, but just wants to think about it like he said.
L
P.S. Now that's funny, because just now when I went to check my thread, IT is locked up !! Darn!! I think you jinxed me!! NOT REALLY!!
I did think of something that might have made him feel better. I sent him another e-mail telling him that something really easy he could do is--anything at all, as long as he doesn't tell me. When we go out, he always asks me what I want to do--even if he already has something in mind that he really wants to do. He can't even give a surprise gift. He blows it by asking too many questions to find out if the person will like it. I told him that he makes big decisions every day at work. He can make this decision without my approval. I promised that there was no way I would get mad. Having a secret date would be romance for me no matter what we wind up doing.
We bought FLOR tiles from Lowe's. The ones we ordered were $8.05/tile and $9.40/tile. I think there are others that were $6 and there were some that were more than $9.40. Lowe's sells different ones than what is at http://www.flor.com. You can see what Lowe's has in FLOR tiles at http://www.lowes/flor.com. Lowes.com doesn't give any prices, but flor.com does.
Is there any other time you and H can go for a walk together?
That is funny that your thread locked up after I asked about it. I did it on purpose. I have magic powers over bulletin boards.
Hey, I like that site for the tiles. Of course, even if H picks out the red ones, I will let him pick the color we use. He is also choosing the color we are going to paint the house. I guess if he picks the color, he will want to live in it.
Sometimes, I will ask him if we can go for a walk on Sunday or sometime, but he always has the reason that he has to work in the yard, and he is planting wild hydrangeas all over that come back every year, so maybe that is also a positive sign that he wants to fix up a home he wants to stay in.
Did you get a reply to your email yet? I think it was a great email, now he has to plan it without telling you. It sounds exciting!!
Are we somehow mentally linked or what?! My H also likes to garden. He does all the planting in the yard. I try to do a little, but they usually die. Of course, his die sometimes, too, or the darn rabbits eat them. He has much better luck than I do. I don't do any better with potted plants. I guess I do "more of the same" with plants, too. I keep trying the same plants because I feel I just didn't do it right last time. When I plant what H wants and where he says I should, they do much better.
Would your H like it if you helped him with the yard work? Maybe if you do something with him that he likes, he will eventually start doing more things with you that you like.
That does sound like good news. If your H picks the tiles and the paint, it would seem that he is thinking positively.
I haven't heard back from my H, yet. He doesn't usually e-mail back. He is a slow typist, so he prefers the phone. He will send short e-mails. He probably is having a busy day and either hasn't had time to read his e-mails yet, or hasn't had time to call. He calls me almost every day anyway, unless he is too busy or is very mad. Neither of those sits happen very often. Even if has a busy day, he squeezes in a phone call anyway. He likes the break.
Would your H like it if you helped him with the yard work? Maybe if you do something with him that he likes
I hope that didn't sound like I think you don't do anything he likes. What I should have said is, maybe that would be something else he would like you to do with him.
Wow! I don't do that well with plants either, they end up dying too, unless I either plant what he says will work, or plant the old tried and true. And funny you should ask, because in the past, I would let him go out and do the yard work alone, but recently I have asked him each time if I can help him, and sometimes he will let me help, or he will suggest things I can do, or a couple of times he said I could come and watch him, and he would occasionally look up and ask my opinion about something. We all planted azaleas one year, and only one has survived, and it was his, so, he is the true gardener in the family. And I have gotten to where I always admire his work. He also set up a bird and squirrel feeding area, and I always tell him how much I love to sit and watch them eat and chase each other around. So, he is doing more stuff finally around here, and I guess if that takes the place of a walk, I guess maybe it will do, and maybe one day I can talk him into a walk in the woods. Maybe I'll try it this Sunday. My sister just gave me two plants, and then called to ask how they were. I told her I did water them, and so far they live! It's hard to know what he would like to do with me, other than that, so I guess I just have to come up with something.
I think that's great that your H takes time out of each day to give you a call, I would love for my H to do that occasionally just to say hi, like he once did. It sounds like he wants to always keep those lines of communication open between you two, which is a great positive sign.
Well, good luck tomorrow, and I hope yall have lots of fun, and make great memories
Sorry to butt in here, but I'm off to the flippin' mechanic. I did check the gas cap btw, but the manual says "take to dealer" for its' suggested repair...thanks.....
Okay, here is my "quickie" take on your Romantic stuff and your h. Stop setting him up for failure. Just plan the damn dates yourself so he doesn't have to keep mind reading with you. And clearly, negative feedback is NOT working and its' unpleasant as well. Stop being negative. I KNOW it's hard when they're goofy or mean and you can't be "negative." The thing is, positive reinforcement is statistically more effective than negative. Period. I mean, can you imagine how he must feel when he is getting "reviewed" by his busiest critic. To me, it'd feel as if my h was saying "be sexier" and no matter how many ideas I'd come up with, I'd always feel a little miserable that I was "commanded" to do something that should have come naturally...and that's assuming h liked my attempts/actions!!
So, you have to applaud loudly for the 1% of good your h /says/does. I "get" that this is hard, believe me. Plan a date and when it is over, thank him for his company and how much you liked seeing the show/or doing the activity with him, or praise his insight, depth, humor or just kind compassionate companionship. Thank Him profusely and keep planning these dates, until if and when he initiates it. Let him CHOOSE to be romantic and not have to "perform on command", okay?
Just my take on it and no, I have not read all your posts. good luck, j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Sorry to butt in here, but I'm off to the flippin' mechanic. I did check the gas cap btw, but the manual says "take to dealer" for its' suggested repair...thanks.....
Okay, here is my "quickie" take on your Romantic stuff and your h. Stop setting him up for failure. Just plan the damn dates yourself so he doesn't have to keep mind reading with you. And clearly, negative feedback is NOT working and its' unpleasant as well. Stop being negative. I KNOW it's hard when they're goofy or mean and you can't be "negative." The thing is, positive reinforcement is statistically more effective than negative. Period. I mean, can you imagine how he must feel when he is getting "reviewed" by his busiest critic. To me, it'd feel as if my h was saying "be sexier" and no matter how many ideas I'd come up with, I'd always feel a little miserable that I was "commanded" to do something that should have come naturally...and that's assuming h liked my attempts/actions!!
So, you have to applaud loudly for the 1% of good your h /says/does. I "get" that this is hard, believe me. Plan a date and when it is over, thank him for his company and how much you liked seeing the show/or doing the activity with him, or praise his insight, depth, humor or just kind compassionate companionship. Thank Him profusely and keep planning these dates, until if and when he initiates it. Let him CHOOSE to be romantic and not have to "perform on command", okay?
Just my take on it and no, I have not read all your posts. good luck, j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
My H also likes to garden. He does all the planting in the yard. I try to do a little, but they usually die. Of course, his die sometimes, too, or the darn rabbits eat them. He has much better luck than I do. I don't do any better with potted plants. I guess I do "more of the same" with plants, too. I keep trying the same plants because I feel I just didn't do it right last time. When I plant what H wants and where he says I should, they do much better. 
