Well, my previous thread locked up, so since I have been told I may be piecing, I thought I would come here and start my new thread. I don't know how to link threads, so here it is:
In July of 06, I found the evidence of ow in H's car. He at first denied it, and then he said I had been so controlling, mean, unloving, and other stuff, that he felt he had done nothing wrong, and indeed it was something good he had done for himself.
He said it wasn't sexual, and was emotional, and the evidence didn't show any sign of it being sexual.
They wrote letters back and forth, and in some of them he said he was doing time with me waiting for our S to grow up and then leave. She was planning on a future with my H, and made him a wooden gift box with all sorts of weird things glued on showing all the things they would do when they were together.
I found that he had a secret cell phone, and a P.O. box to get mail from ow, and his cell phone bill.
I was able to figure out the passcode on the secret cell phone, and listen to messages ow left for him. They were messages thanking him for working so hard, and also playing on his protective instincts as a cop, to get him to come play knight for her, by saying people of a certain race were walking in her neighborhood, and would he come check them out. He would leave our S at practice to go and see her when she said there were prowlers at her house, or to call her on the cell phone. One message was ow apologizing for upsetting him, so I knew then all was not right in fake paradise.
He told me that he broke it off with ow, and gave her the secret cell phone, but I called it one day, and he answered it, so I knew he had lied. I did confront him about it, and he decided then and there he was leaving and then said he would wait till school was oput for this year, and he was gone, and he didn't care whose feelings got hust whether it was our S who was 13 at the time, or me. Later, he denied saying this about our S. He said it was a message that was recorded on the cell that I heard, that he put on there and ow hadn't changed it since he gave her the cell phone, but how funny that less than three wekks late the message got change to one saying for a certain number to stop calling that cell phone, then suddenly the phone number was no longer a valid number, so I figured it was changed to one I didn't know, or maybe H REALLY told the truth finally.
Anyway fast forward to Nov, 06. H broke down to me after we went to bed one night, and cried and cried his heart out, and I held him and cried too, and told him we would help each other to get us fixed. The next night he did the same thing, and after that it seemed things were getting a little better, and we celebrated our twenty-fourth anniversary, and he gave me a gift, a mini rose, and a sweet card that he signed love always and forever, H.
In Dec, 06, but I only found out recently, he called a family law center that specializes in uncontested divorces. He called there 5 times that month, and then not again, and I think he listened to their recorded messages telling how divorce worked. On my birthday, in Dec, he and I talked and he tried to assure me that it was over with ow, and he had dumped a special person, I said ow wasn't a decent person to go after a married man, and she needed to go back to her own H.
In January, things started to look up, and he told me he loves me first a couple of times, and I have been keeping up the changes I have made, and he is coming home on time, and talking to me more, about work and being nicer. He mentions the future occasionally.
Now here we are in April, and things I think have greatly improved, unless I am a total fool, and he is getting one over on me. We have been ML a lot more, and he has no complaints about that anymore at all, I have started keeping a cleaner house, though not that clean, unfortunately. I cater more to his needs, and will just be there for him when he wants to talk, and give him my full attention, and I sit and watch his shows with him,which he said I didn't used to do very much. He smiles at me alot more, when we used to say goodbye, I would get a half-hug, but now get a full hug and a nice kiss, and we both say ILY, even though I say it first. I let him know I appreciate what he does for us, and how hard he works.
I have asked him on occasion if we are going to stay together, and he will say yes, and I will say promise, he won't make a promise, and says he is still afraid the mean verycrazy will be back, and I said no she will never be back, and I have kept up the changes for all these months. He does say he is still so full of resentment towards me for how I treated him over the years, and so far has not said it wasn't all one-sided, except he did say once that he should have taken charge a long time ago, since he was supposed to be the leader of the family, and I agreed with him.
Today when he was getting ready for work, I said I would miss him, and he said will you really? I said yes, and he said good! I said will you miss me a little, and he said yes.
Oh, and there has been no evidence of him talking on his non- secret cell phone to ow for the last three months, the calls dwindled down to a couple and then stopped. Maybe ow realized how shameful she is and is no longer contacting him, and maybe the church sermons on adultery, divorce and remarriage with an adultery partner, got through to my H, finally.
I would hate to think I am getting fooled by my H into thinking everything is almost all right, and then spring another bomb on me in a few years. I don't think I could take it. But, I am trying to act as if, and am somewhat getting a life, could do better, and am looking toward getting back to work soon, though that is scary to me, after all these years.
If anyone is brave enough to read this long post, thank you, I am not always this long-winded, and want to get advice on whether or not we are piecing, or should I kick myself back to the other forum?
erycrazy
