I borrowed the book from the library and returned it. I don't remember that part. Probably over stated or stated so strongly it was obviously out to lunch. What was his point?
Not ejaculating was part of the book “Peace Between the Sheets” (PBTS) but there was a different reason for not cuming. I did some of the activities in PBTS. Others here also did some of the activities in PBTS on a short-term basis. I can’t imagine not ejaculating in the normal location.
I read post on both sides of the wet spot, but that is another forum, not related to SSM's.
What I mean by this is that there seems to be a presumption that our wives are LD because of the relationship. There are dozens of reasons for being LD, and MOST of those reasons have NOTHING to do with relationship issues. I know that my wife has SEVERAL of those issues, besides just the relationship issues. My guess is that most LD women also have several of them. Even if I can overcome the relational issues, she still has major roadblocks to overcome (and I say she, because most of her issues I can have no input on).
You don't seem to understand this though CeMar, if you will do your part to overcome the relational issues....she will be more likely to do something about HER issues if they exist. That is where cause & effect comes into play....and where YOU have control in getting it going.
To go back to Cobra's fishing analogy, if you but the lure on the line and throw it out in the water (your part in the relationship), she will be more likely to swim up and take the bait (meeting your needs and addressing her issues) as a result.
However, if you don't do the work it takes to bait the hook and cast the line out....she won't swim up and take the bait, you won't catch that fish.
It seems to me though that you are still finding reasons why you CAN'T do the work everyone keeps telling you is necessary of you. You keep coming up with excuses and possibilities...what if's. What if's are just that....supposition, they aren't fact. Yet you talk about the what if's as if they are a certain outcome of any effort you may try. THAT is self defeatest.
What exactly are you talking about? Tell us what those others reasons are that make her LD. List them out and give us some background on each, what you’ve seen and why you conclude each particular issue makes her LD.
I am a very logical kind of person, but not as bad as Spock. I don' t see the world in various shades of gray (thus why women baffle me). To me if things are still gray, you just have not divided the problem fine enough to get to black and white.
Deida does talk about pursueing our goals even if it causes hardship on the family. I know there are other careers out there that might actually be my purpose, but to get there would rwquire more schooling and would cause great financial hardship on the whole family, and I can't do that to them.
What I was trying to get to with the whole fish thing is that their are many fish out there that can't respond. Women lose their desire for MANY reasons, and MOST of the reasons have nothing to do with the fisherman and how he fishes. So if I make myself more attractive, this won't do a whole lot for a women whose problems are phsycial or with herself. I already KNOW that my wife has a lot of physical issues to contend with.
I am a very logical kind of person, but not as bad as Spock. I don' t see the world in various shades of gray (thus why women baffle me). To me if things are still gray, you just have not divided the problem fine enough to get to black and white.
I think this may be one of your biggest obstacles to overcome. It may be a prerequisite step before you can even start working on becoming a good fisherman. If you cannot appreciate the subtleties in the opinions of women, how are you to understand them and know what it is about you that turns them off? How do you know what skills you need to refine?
A woman may see a dozen things in you that bother her, each a different shade of gray, but to you, those issues are all white because they are not gray enough to fall into the black category. So you cannot see your flaws because you choose to blind yourself. Yet all the while others are pointing to all those gray spots. You then reach the false conclusion that fish may not come to the bait.
There is no way to classify everything as black or white CeMar. When you do this, it sends the message that you think another’s opinion of gray is not valid. That will make the person either become defensive or shut down. Either way it is going to prevent them from wanting to recognize any improvement you may do on your fishing skills and you will be guaranteed not to catch any fish. You will have kept the fish away yourself because even your bait is not enticing enough for them to bite at it.
Over analyzing and dissecting things can be just another form of controlling your world. Take it from me, and as hard as it may be to believe, I still do this. Why do you need to control your world? What is it that scares you? Why is it so uncomfortable for you to accept a shade of gray?
Deida does talk about pursueing our goals even if it causes hardship on the family. I know there are other careers out there that might actually be my purpose, but to get there would rwquire more schooling and would cause great financial hardship on the whole family, and I can't do that to them.
Why do you keep bringing up this idea of changing careers? I never said anything about that. I thought your “goal” was to have your W desire you. Your career is only a part of that. I advised you to view your career as a means to develop yourself into a master fisherman. Your goal should be the master fisherman, the reward is your catch (your W’s desire for you) and your career is just a tool.
What I was trying to get to with the whole fish thing is that their are many fish out there that can't respond. Women lose their desire for MANY reasons, and MOST of the reasons have nothing to do with the fisherman and how he fishes. So if I make myself more attractive, this won't do a whole lot for a women whose problems are phsycial or with herself. I already KNOW that my wife has a lot of physical issues to contend with.
You still haven’t given any specifics about the physical problems your W has. What are they?
I don't see the world in various shades of gray (thus why women baffle me). To me if things are still gray, you just have not divided the problem fine enough to get to black and white.
Ah, but CeMar...you cannot deal with the human factor in black and white. If you feel that we women are in that shade of grey region, then YOU need to learn to see shades of grey in order to relate. Otherwise you are expecting your W to go to one extreme or the other...black/white. She's not likely to do that...especially if she doesn't see things as black/white.
With people there are too many variables, too many opinions, too many true shades of grey. Or if you will...and we take this to the artistic spectrum of color....you have MANY shades of color between.....white and black...no longer shades of grey but a whole rainbow. Women, people, personalities fit into those different shades of colors, with those colors representing different aspects about them. Life is NOT black and white. Emotions are NOT black and white. Love is NOT black and white, because there are too many factors that go into all of those things. Life is not data crunched out in black and white.
Plain and simple you are analyzing everything to death and it's paralyzing you...so you stay frozen in the same spot in your marriage.
And yeah, you still have not given Cobra a straight answer to his question.
Every "issue" my wife has today to being LD really did not exist when she became LD. So addressing these issues , although it needs to be done, I know that this will not fix the issue. So here is the list of issues:
1) Relationship issues. 2) Menopause 3) Hypoactive thyroid. 4) Body Image/Overweight, #3 does not help this. 5) Neglect as a child. 6) Possibly sexaully abused on a few occasions as a child. 7) Hormones screwed up by the birth of 3 children.
This is for starters. She was fairly HD for about 3-4 years. THen it just dropped off the face of the earth (just like the books say).
