Light at the End?

[lovelyolive]

Sol - I am so sorry that this information was sent to you. What is that scumbag doing sending you an e-mail with details of their R??? Was this out of the blue or what? Seems kinda' strange to me. What's his motive?

All along you have probably had this nagging feeling that there was sex involved in their R. Does it upset you more that she lied about it or that it happened? Maybe her strange behavior makes more sense now. I have read that women can actually feel much more remorse about an A than men. Once it's over, women can get so depressed about it that they become suicidal.

So, so sorry Sol... Will be thinking about you all day.

[~Sol]

I know Ian, I am holding it in. But I do need to see about leaving from work, but I have nowhere to go.

You're right about my suspicions just being confirmed. If my wife wants me, then I will stay with her. All she needs to do is tell me she doesn't want me anymore and I am gone. It's like I am learning this for the first time all over again, but I already knew it. I was having a hard time just accepting it as only an EA. The jerk told me they at least used protection, but my wife is having these recurring vaginal infections and she thinks its from me, so I made a Dr's appt to check myself out. My wife told me to make it. I wonder what else she has???

[~Sol]

Olive, it upsets me more that she lied, to be honest. I despise being lied to, and she can at least have the decency to admit the truth, be open and honest about things then to hide things from me.

The last few times we argued about divorce or separating, she did mention killing herself or leaving the country, do you think it's because she has REAL remorse but won't show it? I wonder what she feels about me? Should I even stick by her side after all of this? It's obvious she wants to make a "happy home", and I want to give her space, but I also want to TALK to her. We need to, at some point.

The PA is over, it was during those 2 months they "did it".

[Tiara Boy (CM)]

Sol-

I know I've never posted to you before, but Ian grabbed my attention on another thread.

Ahhhh.... The ultimate 2x4. The one we see coming straight at us only to stare at the ground thinking it will go away at some point and never reach us.

You are not stupid nor are you naive. You are merely human. One who becomes complacent with their own thoughts. We try to avoid pain at all costs and by you wishing. hoping and thinking that a PA never happened was doing just that.

You my friend have now reached the point where things change for you. This is where you can actually start to focus on what Sol wants and needs.

Take time like Ian said. You will surely have good days and bad days. Days where you want her and days where you don't. Only time will tell where you are really at.

If I can offer only one bit of advice it is this.

Redirect your anger. I speak from experience. It will come out even in a little conversation about mac and cheese, somehow and someway you will vomit your anger like Linda Blair in the exorcist. If you can keep that in check everything will work out just like it is supposed to.

Breathe my friend.

[~Sol]

If you can keep that in check everything will work out just like it is supposed to.

It;s really hard to see this view right now. My wife (I am refraining from using other names) still has not come "clean" about working on our marriage. I still wonder if she has any, if at all, kind of remorse. I just feel like I am being used.

[~Sol]

I just came back from doing an errand. It was a bad time, just driving like that. I should have had someone else go with me.

I'm stuck here at work and I just feel numb. No words to describe how I feel really.

[*KS*Chick*]

Sol.........You know no one can tell you when you're done but you. However, and I know that most of this has been brought up before but you know you want my two cents too

So......you HAD to have a suspicion about a PA. As far as her admitting to anything, she never really admitted to the EA either. Many things could cause this.

For me - I didn't want to hurt H, I wanted to forget the whole thing ever happened, I was sick about what I did.

Another question - why are you even talking to the OM. Thought we talked about this before. Why would you trust him? He's a speck of dust. We spit on him. PATEEWWII!

What're you thinking about doing with W? Talking to her? Telling her you know?

Weigh the positives and negatives. Think of you D. Think of your W. Do you love her? Right now you're dealing with an @$$load of hurt and anger. DON'T react now. When in anger - it's NEVER a good time to react to anything.

[~Sol]

My W has had multiple vaginal infections and I have no disease that I am aware of. She always gets treated, and this time a red flag went up when she told me it was another infection - and we had not had sex in a long time. So I suspected, and I plainly asked the guy how many times they did it (as if I knew), and he came back with 10. The guy is now involved with my W's sister, it's messed up I know, but I let him know that my W's recurring "infections" concerned me.

I am not touching my wife until I get checked out as well, to see if the infection is really coming from me. Having an EA was bad enough, feelings were and are still involved, and I can't reach her yet. But now that I know they had sex multiple times, I don't see my wife in the same light as before - it's worse. I can't sense any remorse from her, just anger when I bring up divorce. And I am just afraid she'll do this again - and I fear for my daughter having a bad example for a mom.

[*KS*Chick*]

Sol - are they yeast infections or something else?

[lovelyolive]

WHAT????????? OM is involved with your W's sister? WTF????!!!! Now, that has got to mess your wife up..

BTW - not all vaginal infections are STD's. Not that you didn't know that already... Good idea to get checked out, though.