I wasn't thinking that you were guilt-tripping or searching for sympathy Chrome...why would you assume that? It just seemed to me that from your comment you gave us too much power to send you into a tailspin, just from our written words.
My personal opinion Chrome is that you have GOT to deal with what's gone on in the past between you two in your R and deal with the fallout from that pain before you can really move forward. You've screwed up in your past, sure...we all have. And yes, some of the things you've done have caused pain in others....but that pain is theirs to deal with. When it comes to your W, you can help her deal with her pain....and THAT may in turn surprisingly enough help you work through yours and get you to a better place as well. That's kind of what happened in my marriage after I found out what my H was doing. I was in HORRIBLE pain after I found he'd sought his fullfillment out online when I'd been working so hard to address our issues. I'm sure you might imagine how hurt I was....BUT honestly, I do believe that my H helping me through the pain, doing whatever he could to allieve my fears....HELPED HIM TOO. He's a different person today. His helping me to recover from his infidelity....actually brought him closer to me. It made us stronger in the end.
The only relationship with ANY woman you should be concerned about is the one you have with your wife....RIGHT NOW. Don't make this bigger than it is by saying things like....But what affected me the most was the thought that no matter what I do wrt women and R's I screw something up badly. In trying to deal with my own pain I just end up causing a lot more in other people. That makes it sound like every woman you come across you hurt...and that's a false statement.
