After 30 minutes she came in and said that we'd continue working on it. When we got in bed she said that she really wanted sex, but it was "that time of the month" and she couldn't do it. She also said that when I left she thought that she had lost me forever.
I don’t see this as the reaction of a woman who wants to leave, but as the shock of a woman who has been bluffing for too long and just had the realization that she might end up getting what she was bluffing about. In other words, she has been on her own little power and control trip and you decided not to play the game any more. Then she panicked.
What are your W’s issues? Why does she run and hide? What is she scared about? What does she need security and reassurance over? Could it be that her drive for sex was her way of compensating for those fears, but to you they became overwhelming? You see yourself as needy now, but is she actually quite needy too, except she shows that need as a high sex drive?
I see her in the position of having controlled the M through a certain “intimidation” over the sex issue. People control things for a reason. They control out of fear. You don’t have her fears (whatever hers may be), yours are different. It seems like your fear is of abandonment, so you back off and placate to keep her from leaving. But you also seem capable of a little manipulation yourself. I agree with Balto that those possibility actions you listed are all meant to manipulate. They will backfire. The biggest problem I see is that they do nothing to address and sooth the fears your W has. So she will not likely respond positively.
When you get some time, ask yourself why you changed from being an assertive, confident business person to someone who walks on eggshells. Face those fears and try to see that in your efforts to please her by letting her control things, you actually abandoned her. Now she has so little assurance from you that now her least painful path is to leave. Of course this is an illusion, just as it was before. What she needs is security, strength and a sense of devotion form you.
Everything Corri and others have been telling you is in line with this idea. The only thing I want to add is that you should be very empathic and caring toward her. I think this is what she wants to hear from you. Strength and self assuredness has no attraction to her if she does not feel she can receive any of that from you. Don’t make your strength into a wall between you two. You can be strong, self assured, confident reassuring while also being empathic and caring. There is a difference between this model and being placating, weak and offering pity.
