So H just called and was really nice at the first of the conversation. He even said "hi, babe" when I answered the phone. I don't even remember the last time he said that to me... It was probably just a slip.
Then we talked for a while, and he told me about the offer he had made. Then, I don't know what happened, but there was just silence... I waited a painfully long period of time, and then I finally asked if he was still there. It went downhill from there. He would answer anything I asked him with a short, almost rude answer. I finally asked him if anything was wrong. He said no, that he was just looking on the internet. So I talked to him a bit longer and just got sick of the way he was talking to me, so I just said that it was obvious he didn't feel like talking. He said he was just calling me back from when I called earlier and did I have anything to talk about. I said no, that I was just asking him the business question. So then he said thank you and that he would talk to me later. I just sarcastically said "yeah" and hung up the phone. I don't know why he was being that way...
So then I fumed for a while and decided to call him back (uh-oh). I got voicemail and left him a message to call me back about some other business item. He called back a few minutes later, and I asked him the business item and a few more things, and then I asked him if we are okay, and he said "yes, absolutely." As I talked to him this time, it almost seemed as if he had too much to drink or something... I don't know how this could be since he'd been with the real estate agent and was back at the office... I know he was probably drinking at the office, but he sounded almost three sheets to the wind! And it takes quite a bit of alcohol for him to get that way... Maybe he's just tired in combination with drinking, but he just seemed really out of it...
I was so tempted to say something about the real estate deal, about me not wanting to do it if we're not going to be together, etc. But I didn't... I'll just let it go and see if it even comes to fruition before I decide what to do about it.
I was also tempted to tell him that I'm getting frustrated and tired of this. I haven't said anything like that at all yet in a way that sounded firm, if that makes sense. I'm sure I've said it through my tears in a pleading sort of way, but nothing with a stern voice. I caught myself though and decided that if he has been drinking too much this is definitely not the time to say something like that. Again, I just get so dang impulsive and feel so desperate and just act on it... I really have to work on that. Further, if I do decide at some point to approach him with that, it needs to be in person. Also, I know I've said that I need to "sit" on my feelings for a while to make sure that is how I really feel before I act on it, especially something serious like this. I haven't really expressed any anger/frustration to him about this whole thing. It's always just been sadness and desperation. But I'm really getting sick of this. I just need to relax and let this go for tonight. I'm getting myself all worked up.
At the same time, I really, really, really am getting tired of this. Is it normal to feel this way??? I'm afraid with how impulsive I am sometimes that I'm going to "snap" soon and freak out on him and tell him I'm done and a bunch of other things I know are too soon to say.
Why are these feelings coming on now? Is it because we ML twice last week and he's still not home and I'm just hurt and angry and feeling used? Why now????? I HATE THIS!!!!!!
