I've read through and been pondering for days what to say to you.
Why...because it's been said. And I enjoyed the Happy's questions to Snodderly...a helpful discussion.
I think Snodderly hit it with BE STILL.
You yourself said you have not made mistakes...and I agree.
So that means the problem you are feeling isn't some mess up or backslide. It doesn;t seem like there was a recent blow up...just more Limbo perhaps.
You already know it...the issue is patience...yours, or the lack thereof.
So what is Be Still? How do you Be Still?
You know what I think it is...it is going into the cave...how we talk about our MLCers retreating from us to face Liminal Depression...it is 40 days in the desert, time in the Wasteland, the winde dark sea of Chaos.
It is also silence and solitude...go to the garden alone.
You are hyper like me...right? Always perky?
Remember several months back when you said you felt happy and were doing well and Snodderly was worried...you asked why because you said you had found your happiness...something like that? And Snodderly responded that YES, she was concerned.
To me, it seemed superficial. Sometimes what happens before a Fall. REmember Dana Plat? Kimberly from Diff'rnt Strokes? Years before she dies I saw her on some talk show about recovered child stars...Kitten from Father Knows Best was a guest. Well Dana Plato was talking about how great everything was, her life coming together...I think this was only days or weeks before she hit headlines for stealing from some laundromat. But it was like she was floating...la la la life is good. (sure she was probably high...but look deeper) It wasn't that you were in denial...but it just didn't feel real yet. And it is so hard to verbalize.
I wasn't as worried about you though. You seem well grounded because of your kindness. It is your unconditional kindness and love that is keeping you well through this MLC.
And I know it's frustrating when you are doing more of the same and not SEEING progress. OR the prgoress you are seeing isn;t the progress you want to be seeing.
Go Dark because you need to talk to God and talk to your higher Self and listen to silence.
But also keep doing what you've been doing. It's been hard to figure out what to say to you because you aren't doing anything 'wrong.'
I understand what Happy said...about why are you going to so many people. Not that you are or aren't--but I understand it as a generic comment for all of us. Do you trust what you are doing...because you personally are doing well--especially conidering the circumstances, and you are also doing well in your Standing Actions. Just keep it up.
