I workout when he is at work..so taking a week off won't be helpful except that I will start feeling bad about myself for not getting the adult interaction and also the workout in. I feel cramped in my house with my little one...it is nice to get out and about for awhile. I know I am obsessed with working out..I usually do it 7 days a week. But on the weekend we go together which is nice.
There is no endorphin release when I am with him...just stress about running the household and positively raising the kids.
Runner wrote:"There is no endorphin release when I am with him...just stress about running the household and positively raising the kids. "
So, find an activity that you can do together that makes both of you feel good. That is good juju for the relationship.
If you don't have a spark, make one.
-NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
i think the key is to surround yourself with happily married couples that keep the passion alive...and it glows when they are out and about. That is my goal. I just was with a couple and they were so happy and cute --it motivated me to pursue that in my own marriage/
well isn't it interesting...that is how i felt on Sat of last week. Since then I have finished the 5 love languages...and passed it on to the H. But I am disappointed and thinking that book will not be useful until we deal with the issues that cause us to feel uninterested. Needless to say, a bad weekend led to this feeling of emptiness and numbness inside. And now...well the book can't even be applied because of other issues that exist. Until things change in regards to those issues...the feeling of attraction is not there.
well the book can't even be applied because of other issues that exist.
Runner,
A few quick questions that I do not remember seeing the answers to:
1) What are the "other issues?" 2) What attracted you to your husband in the first place? 3) Did you ever enjoy kissing him? 4) Are there any qualities he has right now that you appreciate? 5) What is his level of awareness of your frustration? 6) Does he have any issues with you that you know of?
By the way I completely understand your need for running. I probably ran 40-50 miles a week when me XH and I separated for the second time. I was definitely using it as an anti depressant. My counselor who is a runner also said there are known AD benefits to long distance running for 60 minutes or longer. However you definitely need to watch your health. I do not remember you answering Ellie's (KML) question about your menstruating cycles. Also running every day may also be a problem. You need at LEAST one rest day a week.
It cannot and will not happen over night but from everything I have read I am sure things can improve for you and your H.
But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads? ~Albert Camus
The other issues: the major one involves the kids and not appreciating what i do at home (since I gave up my career). HE comes home and also acts like his work day is done..yet the kids are young and we need to be involved in their school work and reading. They are what you put into them. If there are reading problems...well we need to work daily with them. We can't just blame others or the child themselves. School work takes a big chunk of the night.
The other issue is his attitude towards the kids...he tends to act lazy. He doesn't put into them what needs to be put into them, He complains that our son needs to be more aggressive and less shy in bball....well then take him and work with him. Build his confidence. Don't just complain. It makes me so sick inside...because I am doing all i can...but I need help and am tired of his empty promises to work with the kids and yet it never happens. He always says after a game..."I am going to go and work with him..."yet he never does. Maybe once in a blue moon.
I did enjoy kissing...when we were young I guess.
Right now I appreciate that he is home at dinner time....doesn't go out and sit at bars...doesn't spend his nights in sports leagues....and is home with us rather than at his office to all hours of the night.
I think he is aware of my frustration...but we haven't communicated one on one except in frustrated moments. We need to sit down and go over our laundry lists so to speak.
I don't know if he has any issues except that he wished I would initiate sex...and quit saying no. ***I would be into sex since I have high desire...if these issues didn't kill my mood and make me resent him.
well the book can't even be applied because of other issues that exist.
Runner,
By the way I completely understand your need for running. I probably ran 40-50 miles a week when me XH and I separated for the second time. I was definitely using it as an anti depressant. My counselor who is a runner also said there are known AD benefits to long distance running for 60 minutes or longer. However you definitely need to watch your health. I do not remember you answering Ellie's (KML) question about your menstruating cycles. Also running every day may also be a problem. You need at LEAST one rest day a week.
It cannot and will not happen over night but from everything I have read I am sure things can improve for you and your H.
I do still get my cycle...it is my antidepressant...and I am not a good mom at home if I don't get a run or workout in. I am short tempered and seem to be angry. I hate that. But if that time to myself gives me what I need to be a good mom to them...well i do then. I do have a day off...most of the time. I am only averaging 20-25 miles a week...and I lift 5-6 days a week. So I try to balance things. I know an antidepressant would help with the mood...and the short term effects of the runners high seems to be getting shorter...but I really don't want to take any meds.
Okay - with the kids. What have you asked him specifically to do? Could you ask him to take on school work with one or to help all of them with a particular subject? Keep the request direct, specific and in a manageable dose.
Also can you set up ONE evening a week for him to play ball with your son to practice for bball?
not appreciating what i do at home
Have you ever told him that you do not feel appreciated? Not in an angry way or in passing. But actually sit down when you AND HE have some time and just bring up the subject that while you love being a SAHM in some ways you also do not feel appreciated for all the work you do.
By the way do you tell him you appreciate him for the work he does in his career?
I did enjoy kissing...when we were young I guess.
How is he different than when you were young and how is he the same?
I don't know if he has any issues except that he wished I would initiate sex
It might be interesting to find out. Also how does he feel about his job? While he may appreciate you being a SAHM, being the main wage earner is quite a bit of stress especially if you start to not enjoy your work or to feel like you are having problems at work. His habit of not doing much at home makes me wonder if he is feeling a bit depressed.
We need to sit down and go over our laundry lists so to speak.
I would not do the "laundry list" thing. Too overwhelming and depressing for both of you. I would open up to him about not feeling appreciated. And if you start down the path about your marriage, then each of you would bring up 1 or 2 concerns. Then you can discuss some small ways to address those concerns. Does that make sense?
Also, as ridiculous and impossible as it may sound can you find something (it can be small) to compliment or thank your H about every day? This is as much for you as it is for him. It will be a good reminder that he does have good qualities and it will be a nice pick-me-up for him.
It sounds like your exercise routine is reasonable and you are keeping healthy. That is great.
But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads? ~Albert Camus
thank you for your advice...the laundry list would be too overwhelming. Babysteps is a good idea. As for the kids...I am communicating more and things are starting too improve.
It seems so common sense to just communicate. I do not know what bothers him about me...but i am sure there are things. I guess we need to find time. Just the two of us. I am hopeful again. In other words we are having a good week.
