Why don’t you just ask her what she was crying about? She will likely give you some BS reason, so tell her it doesn’t make sense and keep asking in order for you to understand. That will put her a little on the spot to understand herself and she might be stumped. Then let it go.
As for her running away from confrontation, I’d ask her straight out why she does just that. Back it up with some examples so she can see her own pattern and see it is not just you projecting. Give her something to stew over. If your M is to be salvaged, she is going to have to open her eyes. From her history, it seems the likely path is for her to keep those eyes closed and just run. My suspicion is that deep down she does not want to leave but she wants you to pursue her and protect her, but she is too insecure to admit to that.
Anyone who runs does not run into more anxiety and insecurity. If running makes her feel safer it is only because you are not providing a safe enough haven to overcome her perception of safety in running.
The way she communicates this is by acting out, rather than doing the adult thing and simply asking for assurance and understanding. IMO, you need to become stronger, more assertive, more protective. Have you read any of the books discussed on this board? If not, you are doing yourself a real disfavor. Like Corri’s sig line says “You can't see what you can't see. Until you do” or “You don’t know what you don’t know until you do.”
