What you need to do is try to look objectively at what seems to help and what seems to hinder things. When something doesn't work (a possible example might be pursuit or trying to "control" things) then try to avoid it. If you see positive results then that's what you need to try and continue doing. If giving space seems to unsettle her, then space might be good.
I'll be honest, giving lots and lots of space was difficult for me. I'd still worry about my husband "forgetting me," if he was still with OW, or had found someone else. It wasn't until I observed positive results that I was able to let go a little more. I think somehow you need to guage where they are and what they need. For example, when there is anger or tension separation and lots and lots of space can be a huge relief for everyone involved. I think the space is neccesary for healing and it allows everyone to calm down and see things more clearly.
When the relationship is seems relatively good, I found it easiest to kind of "go with the flow"..... Like offer non-pursuing friendship while also giving plenty of space. I tried to go for a balance and that seemed to work.
What you are describing sounds good. Just take that time and do some positive things for you.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
