Hapinees, is it even possible part II

[fearless]

The problem I see in your definition is that such a purpose sounds more like a distraction from the stress of chasing a woman, thereby reducing dependence and appearance of neediness.

Good Point. I should have been more clear. What I meant was the side effect of having a purpose is that keeps you focused on things in your control, etc. And it does not reduce the appearance of neediness, it eliminates neediness.

I have tried to simplify Dieda's concepts as I understand them.

but this idea can also be a setup for trouble. If the intention is to free the woman of burdens so she can better validate the man, then you are back into the enmeshment loop.


You are exactly right. If the INTENTION is to free the woman of burden so she can then validate, that is a recipe for disaster. Rather the INTENTION is to fulfill your purpose and a side effect can then be that the burden is lifted from the woman.


Cemar,

Here's an example of how pursuit of some goals can actually keep you from the goal.

In college my freshman year I had three roommates. I and 2 of the roommates had other friends and made other friends along with getting along as roommates. One of my roommates had a best friend on Campus and they had PURPOSELY not lived together for the reason of believing that you needed space in friendship. So the three of us had other friends and viewed ourselves more as roommates even though we were also friends. The fourth roommate was constantly nagging and whining to us about not having friends and about wanting (DEMANDING) us to be her friends. All the time "Why won't you be friends with me?" and "Why don't you like me?" She actually was a fairly nice, normal and fun girl but the constant whining and neediness made all of us NOT want to be around her. I told her "We like you but we think you need other friends. You are on a campus of 50,000 plus students. Go out and find some friends." We were friendly to her but it is hard to be friends with someone when they cannot just relax and hang out. If she could have just relaxed and hung out with us without whining and nagging, I think we all could have been friends. Instead we could not wait to get away from her and many times would not go back to our room because we knew she was just waiting there for us.

My point is that her GOAL was to be our friend but in the end the doggedness she had in DEMANDING that GOAL from us is what prevented us from being friends with her.

CEMAR - please let me know whether you understand the meaning in that last sentence or not.