I started back to pulling the reigns full force. Please just keep reminding me of that. Last night H came home very upbeat and started to tell me about that he has never had a man tell him that he makes him happy and continued to tell me to guess who that was and in non caring kinda way I answered like I really did not care oh let me see your boss? THis is how I have to detach. This is how it started to work for me the last ,but I just did not do it long enough. When I am nicey nice and flirtatous it back fires and I think it's b/c he sees it as me bieng weak again. When I get too comforatble he feels free to put me down and also he can see how it hurts me. WHen I detach in a non-caring kinda way (not being mean), he seems to pursue me. I have tried the flirtatious way and it soes not work for him. I have been dressing more sexy (see thru kinda (wife-beater) shirts and stuff like that AND he is definetly noticing. H will not hide (this time around) that he is looking. I caught him looking lastnight, BUT for some reason him looking made feel uncomfortable? Later after I took a shower I strangely felt compeled to keep covered up w/ my robe even though I had e sexy top on. All the other times (before we finally had sex the other day) if H would get too close or lay next to me on my bed just to chit chat or even if he brushed his hands agains mine, I would feel strange? like I could not even sit that close to him???? I want to feel like that again b/c it helped me to detach. I don't know if having sex w/ him just thru me off again and today I am feeling emotional.UGH!!!!! I was doing soooooo good.

H noticed my coldness/distancing while I was cooking and he even ?accidentaly called me "dear". H caught himself and said why did I just call you that? I did not answer and ignored it. I felt like I was far away in la la land. H knows I like him coming home and him telling me about his day, but I just wanted be alone. I let my oldest daughter sleep w/ me lastnight, kinda letting him know, no more hanck-pancky, it helps me too.

H will be in the islands this weekend for business. This morning he left for work??right... at the carck of dawn-5am! I am sure to get his fix b/c w/ him getting ready and all he's been coming straight home everynight this week and he leaves tomorrow so I expected him probably staying out late 2nite, BUT i guess H decided to get laid early this morning.