I've been really down lately because H and OW going full force strong again and he keeps putting me down and being darn right mean to me and starting arguments with me. He put me down again last night and I started to defend myself and he got mean to me and I said well I feel like I need to defend my self and he told me to lay off. said, I am so far away from you and laying off it is not even funny. I said i don't ever ask you where you are, where you've been, what time your coming home, what you're doing, who your with or what your doing with them! I told him I know what what he's doing even if I don't say. I was so angry! he says, well your pushing me away. I said I am not doing anything, so what is is this time... he said you'll figure it out and I said no i won't, I will never figure it out so why don't you just tell me! He would not tell me! I felt felt like saying I want a divorce!
He proceded to tell me you can have my money right now and that's all you need. I said you think that's all I need? I said that's not true, he said well that's all I can give you!
Somebody please tell me what I am doing to push him away?! He's got me as to where I can't even BREATH!!!!! I can't even say how was your day?!!!! I can't even blink or I am pushing him away?! He is making up things to make it out like I am the reason he is back with her and I am pushing him away. The phone bill with all there phone calls is ghastly!!!! He confides in her about our life and the choices with his job and everything else abour OUR life?!!!!? I feel like i can't take it anymore!!! How can I go "dark" without him saying I am giving him the cold shoulder or pushing him away? It's like he want me to put up and shup up a be a good little girl while he just walks all over me and does what he wants and them blames me for it!!! Sorry I am venting again... I wish I could come in here and have something good to say, but I don't. I don't think I am exagerating or blowing things out of proportion, either. I think he loves drama and I try to stay out of it. He says his life is so complicated right now and he can't handle anything else... well it doesn't have to be, he is making it that way... UGGHHH!
