My H, a born-again Christian, told me and the kids almost two years ago that he was having an A. Our marriage was always good--no arguing, always there for each other and kids, homebodies, etc.
This news devastated all of us and H was crying as he told us.
For a few months after knowing this, I began to snoop, found out where she lived, saw her, was mortified at what I saw--she is older than he, is the total opposite in appearance of me, and resembles a man to a T but claimed to my H that her husband had died some 30 years earlier and that she was abused by a live in boyfriend. She has two grown kids and two grandkids. Snooping might make you feel better for awhile but it backfires.
H was okay toward me up until about 11/05 and at that point he stopped all intimacy with me and would become irked at the slightest touch by me. His moods became so bad and he came home later and later and the kids thought he was maybe doing drugs.
By January 06 I told him what I knew about her, he got mad and began sleeping on the couch.
Oh and the cell calls to/from her went on and on and on and even in front of our girls!! He even slept with that cell phone under his pillow.
He also began drinking so heavily leading up to the time he told of the A thru June 06.
He assaulted me twice to which I called and reported to the police. So uncharacteristic of him.
He moved out of the house in June 06 and began living with OW at her daughter and son in laws house and grandkids. Sick, isn't it?
He did not have contact with us for almost three weeks when he moved out but then he was coming around on weekends to see and take the kids out.
WHen the girls would ask him what he saw in OW he could not say because he did not know. Probation officer asked him about our marriage and he said it was always good, no problems, that he does not know why he is with OW and get this, said a month ago he has no intentions of getting back with me but his actions speak differently in that he is around me much more, and we just refinanced on the house!
March 06 I went to OW's office which is right across the sidewalk from H's office and told her to knock it off with my H. She did not say a word and walked right past me. I even called her bosses about her shenanigans at work.
She concocted some great stories for him that I was funneling money from our joint account so he canceled that and he cancelled me from credit cards as well. Not something he would have any knowledge of what to do.
He would tell the girls that he was married to her not me which is so off the wall.
In January 07 I had to go to court to testify about the assaults and he was found guilty and had to serve 5 days in jail, three years probation and no drinking.
He did move home on New Year's 07 but only for three weeks as OW talked him into moving back over there and that I was a bad person. At this time he said he never stopped loving me, we were intimate, etc.
She has it out for me big time and no, I had never met her before all of this.
I think she is competing and attempting to force my hand at divorce which I will not do.
Since he has stopped drinking, he is much better toward all of us but still lives with OW.
He continues to pay all of the bills and is coming over and staying longer hours but never spends the night here.
I have learned that one must keep their mouth shut about what is going on because they have no idea who they are hurting, can only think of themselves, OW is a quick fix to issues having nothing to do with our marriage, etc. and yes, I am standing for my marriage.
That is hard.
I would encourage you to subscribe to Charlyne Cares newsletters about marriage which might help you.
I am being nice and loving from a distance, no R talks and no talk about OW.
He has never said he wanted the kids to meet OW and it does not seem likely that they will.
I hate what is going on but he has to figure it out for himself.
With him being gone, nobody is walking on eggshells and it is more relaxed around here.
His family is very supportive of me and the kids as well.
When will he come out of it, I do not know.
They say one thing, do another so you cannot believe all they say but watch what he does.
Also, we are not going thru a divorce and neither one of us is filing.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
