Thanks it's helpful. We never had "makeup sex" either. Right now I mad and wouldn't mind a good "grudge f!@#". Well, it's not going to happen and I really do love my wife -- I guess I'll just keep going and see what happens. But, she's made it clear.
I don't think that would be the greatest thing to do--that is rude no matter who that is done to. At least call and make it sound like you are independent and busy and have another commitment to make.
I'm not a rude person. I'm angry today, but that will pass.
She and I did talk. I called and left a message and then she called back after a few hours.
I asked her why she wanted to put off our talk. She said that she was "very tired." She original called me at 10 this morning to cancel, so I really don't buy the "tired" bit. I think she's having a hard time with this, but not probably not 2nd thoughts.
Anyway, she wanted to do it tomorrow night and I said that wasn't good for me. (I really have nothing going on.) I asked about doing it on Friday. She said that would be ok and that she would order a pizza.
I really don't think it's going to be a fun evening so don't read anything into it. Even if we're together having pizza like old times, she's wanting to discuss finances and what she's taking.
I'm still not completely clear on how to deal with finances. Could someone help me with this? We have a mortgage payment due monthly, credit card bills, utilities, etc. What should she pay during this separation? I'm not wanting to be unfair, but this really isn't my idea. I've been told by our C that she should pay half the mortgage. But how about the other items?
If we divorce, the property & debt is going to be divided equally, so shouldn't she have to make payments on her half?
I'm not trying to make this unreasonably hard for her, but I should have to do it all. Also, I don't want to make it easy on her -- I don't want to aid her in this separation/divorce.
That's a sucky name, btw. You are a number. Yeesh.
Okay. First. Finances. She is moving out. So. Take your salary, and her salary, and find the % dif between the two. Use that as a basis for paying mortgage, utilities, etc. She will balk. Fine. Let her. She is the one who has moved out, and has made no legal move to make it otherwise. In absence of a court order, that is fair.
If she really wanted out, believe me, she could get out, and find a legal means of settling all this. In absence of this... take charge. If she throws a hissy... let her. Her name is on everything.... right? Hopefully.
TAKE CHARGE. She's been waiting. All your married life, she has been waiting for YOU to take charge. Do it.
Dam it. You OWN a business. I cannot for the life of me, fathom, a business owner, letting someone run roughshod over him. Just can't. Approach it as you would business. This is a business deal.
For Christ Sake's man, grow some balls. You SEEM to have them in the business world. Why you are such a wuss in your personal life is beyond me. NO BUSINESS owner I have EVER dealt with, EVER... is doing what you are doing.
No business owner I know of lets the client rule the roost. Even if they 'let' the client think they are ruling the roost.
What do you do... in generic terms.
I cannot, for the life of me, fathom any busines owner going about his M like you are. And I swear, if I have not hit your gonads... you are not a business owner.
First of all, I won't be as cruel, but you really do need to grow a set.
As for who pays what - how much does she make, what are your bills, how did you deal with it when she was living with you. All of things have to be taken into consideration.
I don't know how some of these new fangled couples do it - I pay for this, you pay for that. To me, being a couple means we both throw everything into the pot, regardless of who makes what. The bills get paid and whatever is left over, is play money or whatever.
Having said that, yours might be a situation that doesn't allow for that. What is your situation? Were you set up like that?
There are bills that have to be paid, regardless - i.e. the mortgage. If her name is on the mortgage, then too bad, so sad, she better cough up half the mortgage payment because she is going to get half the equity in the house if it gets sold - fair is fair. If she squawks about "but I have rent to pay too" - hey, that ain't your problem, it was her decision to move out into her own place. She has to face the music if she wants her freedom
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
