I have checked into other things like cell records and bank statements. They all seem to check out. As far as behavior it has changed. Like he seems irritable a lot. But to on the other hand he has made great strides to make sure we have a sexual life for the last 3 months at least. Where he would hardly ever initiate sex. Every weekend he does now. So that aspect has improved. That is why it came as such a shock to see him create this account. He does come home late a couple times a week. he does leave earlier for work. But he says he does this to get there earlier to talk or hang out with his friend before work. When he is late he is always at his friends house. Which like today he went there after work and called from there. You could hear his friend in the backround. He did seperate our accounts like a year ago which still bothers me. But I have learned to accept. About a year ago we almost seperated. But in this last year we have seemed to make great strides towards working things out.
I can deal with a lot of issues but I can't and won't deal with a cheater. This site is very real! Also I think he may have a clue I was onto him. Because he deleted his account. Either that or changed his password. I have a program on to check out his activities.
I discovered my husband was at this site. It is adult dating site...But then I looked around the site and saw my husband had created an account. He didn't actually pay for it so is only a limited member. When I read his words that he typed of his own accord my stomach just fell out. He said he was bored and looking. He said he liked his women to say just what they want. And that he was looking for some wild and discreet sex. On his marital status he put he preferred not to say. I never thought possible but maybe my husband is chaeting or is thinking about it. I am just so hurt today.
Oh Trying...NOP's is right, BOY do I know how this feels!!! It's a kick in the gut isn't it? I actually have a few more minutes than I thought I would so I can begin replying now for you. One thing I want to start off with "he didn't actually pay for it"....YET. I'd be willing to bet that once women start contacting him...he'll pay for it. Hey may not be paying for it right now...but once the lure is out there, he's likely to bite.
FWIW...just a bit of background for ya, my H cheated on me through Adult Friend Finder. He too had a profile online, and had contacted (and had been contacted by) many women. He showed a side on that website I NEVER got to see. He was on it for TWO years before I found out and used a yahoo e-mail account to receive contacts from the women.
A few questions...
Does he know you found out about this? If not, don't tell him yet...not yet. If you do, you will be giving him a chance to cover his tracks and hide things more securely from you. You need to find out the real extent of what he is doing.
Is it limited to this....or does he have a secret e-mail account you don't know about? I suggest you install a keylogger on your computer to find out....because you REALLY need to know what it is you are dealing with here before you confront him. Either way what he is doing is cheating, putting his profile on this adult website...e-mailing women (if he is), IM'ing other women (which there's a good liklihood of) IS CHEATING. It is going oustside of your marriage to have sexual/emotional needs met...CHEATING. I want you to be clear on this point...it's not "could he be cheating on me", he IS cheating on you with this activity. Cheating isn't limited to physical contact with another person. However when you do confront him, expect that he's not going to see it this way.
Is it limited to this website only? I found with my H that it wasn't...he had profiles on several websites.
When he doesn't have access to the computer...does he get irritable, compulsively check his e-mail, clear history?
Gel, I am sorry you have been through this also. It sure does feel like a kick in the gut.
I don't think he knows that I have found out. He may have though, just not sure. I haven't confronted him at all because I wanted to monitor longer. But interestingly enough it seems he may have changed his password or deleted the account. Because I can't access it like I did before.
Yes, he did have a secret yahoo account for e-mail. That is still functioning. I found it by having a key logger. I started getting suspicous because a couple times he didn't want to go with us as a family. Later that evening when I went on the computer he had erased all the history and cookies. But I found at first the adult friend site because he hadn't erased the files. I started clicking on licks and there was very provacitive pictures of women from this site. The times he was on it was when we were gone.
So far it does seem limited to this account. I am monitoring to make sure. He seems iritable in general. I don't think he reads here. In the past I never even worried because I am such an open book with him. But I have removed it from my favorite list. I don't think he would know how to get here. I have never mentioned this site before.
Since I posted I haven't seen any out of the ordinary activity on the computer. Except he checked his e-mail account yesterday. The private one. This site really has upset me. Because it is a very real site. I went on it and looked around. It turned my stomach. Because there were 3 guys I have seen many times with living in a small town and all. I have seen these men many times in passing. One of them I know is married and of course his profile said he wanted a discreet sexual encounter. I created an account there to be able to look around. I was contacted by like 10 men. One of those being that married man. I tell you my stomach literally felt like I was going to be sick!!!
I am more than willing to talk with you on here...but it might be easier actually if I give you my e-mail and we chat that way if you don't mind. I can give you faster feedback that way. If you wish you can e-mail me at anitam@nordam.com
