No offense taken. And what you say, really, is the way to face it. Everyone moves at their own pace.
I am SO GLAD you are facing yourself. I give you all the credit in the world. You didn't offend me, sweety. Mrs. Cac is just now taking all this on, and she's hyper-senstive. It's part of the DM. So when she knee-jerks... stating the obvious doesn't always help, may even come off as un-empathetic. Even if you didn't MEAN it that way. Kwis?
And when faced with your own DMs, it is sometimes hard to reach down and find your own empthaty for another... or at least in a way that may be meaningful to them. That is why it is so tough to do this in an M, or any R, really. As you give empathy, you also need it in return... sometimes a real Catch-22.
That is another reason why this book I've been reading recommends differing support networks... HEALTHY friends, a good shrink... maybe even a support group... for NO ONE can be EVERYTHING to you.
Even here... we support one another... but we are all DEALING. A lot of times our own issues creep in... just the way it works. Part of awareness, I guess.
And Cobra, I did get pissed at my shrink this time. After my little drama fit, I say, "so what do I do?" And he looks at me with his gentle blue eyes, he smiles at me, and he says in a very caring voice, "you do your best with what you've got to work with, and you try again." He cracks some wise-ass joke to take the reality and sting from his truthful comment, to help me laugh at myself, and give me courage to get over my own despondency.
He doesn't judge me. He doesn't remind me of the own actions I've taken that have gotten me to this point. For BLAME, whether it belongs with me or someone else, is not relevant. He helps me to let go of blame (as Mrs. Cac is trying to do), acknowledge the hurt... help me accept it, so I can move on.
And every step of the way, it hurts like he!!.
I played tennis in high school and I would work really hard at learning a new stroke or a new serve. I could tell when I was doing something wrong and would work and work at it, literally for hours, trying to incorporate the “feel” of the stroke into my body so that it became automatic and reactionary. Only at such a point could it become a useful tool for me in a tournament.
That’s when I realized my way of learning was different from others. I was trying to instinctively learn something, but my mind worked in a more analytical way. I had to break it down and dissect it before I could “get” it. Even then, my body could not “feel” the stroke. That took time.
What I found was that I should work hard on the new stroke, go through the drills and training, but hold no expectations that I would “get” it. Then lay off a day or two. When I came back, my body would somehow have incorporated the “feel.” After a little more of this, I would have the stroke down and I could visualize making the shot, imagine how it would “feel” and how the shot would react off my racket. That is when I “got” it.
It took me some time to figure this out. Before I did I would get very frustrated and angry that I couldn’t make the shot, that it seemed completely out of control, and getting “hold” of it was continually elusive, but just out of my reach. The harder I tried the less success I had. So my comfort now comes from knowing that mo matter what I try, I know that I CAN do it, I just need to give myself time to “incorporate” the feel.
The most recent task was to learn the jumping spinning hook kick in TKD, the last kick we need for black belt. This thing is TOUGH! I could not envision how it was supposed to feel, so how I was supposed to jump and turn and kick spinning backward, striking with my heel at head height, with enough power to break a board? But I finally got it, and once I did, I have been able to make it fairly fluid. Without doubt the hardest kick I have ever had to learn.
But as before, I know I just have to keep working at it and be patient. I have to wait for my body to tell me that it “got” it. Being impatient only sets off OCD-like symptoms – it generates anger, anxiety, obsession, etc which only works against the process. So yeah, I agree with your shrink. Keep working at it but chill out. It isn’t “time” yet.
I love it! That is a great story. My transitions are usually about 15 entire minutes where I decide that I have made a horrible mistake and have an intense desire to flee - the last one I spent on the toilet thinking all the while that I had a "long time" to go and shoudn't have even checked in yet - this was followed within 5 minutes by an intense desire to push.
My labors are usually VERY short and intense - the last one was about 2 hours. I am also usually early. We'll see what happens. I realized though that because of work, the weather and various other factors I have been way less active this pregnancy so I think that has contributed to the length of it. I took a long walk yesterday and will take at least two today. Supposedly nipple stimulation will get things going but that is a boring thing to do on your own - what I would give to have dh be the kinda of guy that would just say "Great! Let's go to it." Hemming and hawing, wax on/wax off behaviors just make it NOT FUN to ask or bring it up or deal with it at all. There are all these childbirth stories about "sensual or even orgasmic birth" in which the couples kiss and behave sexually throughout labor and have these lovely, connected births - welllllllllll I won't be having that kind.
I am feeling threatened and resentful of dh's continuing level of disconnect from me. He talks with the baby and encourages him to come out but he seems resentful that I thought this baby would be early like my others and then wasn't. He isn't mad at me exactly. He is tired of waiting, anxious and so he just kinda huffs and puffs through his days with chronic, low level angst. Maybe in order to have this baby I need to confront this too. D@mn I'm sick of always being the one to bring things up.
Today is the official "due" date - we'll see. Joseph may just decide to be "prompt" and arrive today yet!
Quote: ------------------------------------------------------- I am feeling threatened and resentful of dh's continuing level of disconnect from me. He talks with the baby and encourages him to come out but he seems resentful that I thought this baby would be early like my others and then wasn't. He isn't mad at me exactly. He is tired of waiting, anxious and so he just kinda huffs and puffs through his days with chronic, low level angst. Maybe in order to have this baby I need to confront this too. D@mn I'm sick of always being the one to bring things up. -------------------------------------------------------
"Hubby, I have come here to chew bubble gum and kick ass, and I'm all outa bubble gum. Now get your ass naked and into the bedroom before I really do get mad."
I hope Joseph makes an entrance today!
-NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
