Hapinees, is it even possible part II

[fearless]

Cobra,

I appreciate your comments to Cemar. From the little I have read Dieda and from Burgbud's comment, Cemar does not seem to have understood Dieda at all if he has read him. I might phrase it differently than you. If the man does not step up and be the "man" in the relationship, then the woman is stuck and the man holds 95% of the relationship power by not doing his part. What has Cemar done to be the man that his wife would desire? He apparently has no other purpose in life than to be desired and given great head by his wife (or some woman). Deida clearly states that a man should have a purpose in life other than his woman. I remember Cemar specifically saying that his wife asks him what projects he has lined up for the weekend. She is practically drawing him a map of how to appeal to her. Instead of playing video games, watching TV, or any other passive activity why does he not go out and figure out a project to spend the next month or two working on? How might she respond if he threw himself into a project and completed it? Especially if it was something that would benefit her or the family - a deck, a patio, adirondack chairs, a picnic table, garden, tool shed, etc.

Cemar,

I am going to be rude but I really not sure what your point is when you revert back to whining about who has the most power in the relationship. For me and the other women that have done all we are "supposed" (a la Dr. Laura) to do in a relationship and had our husbands leave us anyway, it sure as hell feels like our husbands had all of the power in the relationship.

Arguing about who has the most "power" in a relationship is a "cheeseless tunnel" type of debate. How will it help your marriage one bit if we decide that you or your wife has the most power? My irritation with you on these types of discussions is because I feel like the arguments are just distractions from the main point of improving your marriage and getting sex and desire you supposedly want from your wife.

You must decide what you want and then do all YOU can within your power to get it. Sitting around discussing whether it is fair or whining about how unfair all of this is to you and to other men is understandable but pretty useless all the same. If someone's house burns down, they can sit around crying as long as they want and complaining how unfair it is but crying and complaining will not build a new house or replace what they had. Eventually they have to get up, call the insurance company, re-evaluate their finances, maybe get a second job to help pay, etc.

At this point I doubt your sincerity at wanting to do the work to get what you CLAIM to want. I am responding with a slight hope that it will get through to you but I admit my bigger and more realistic hope is that others on the board can HEAR what I am saying to you.