YoYo, I think you handled that really well, actually. Now, just back off the R talk and let what you talked about settle in with him. You already know that you are going to see each other a lot in May. So, work on being that awesome woman that you are and let him bring up the R talk next time.
My H has stayed at the house the past three nights. No talking about R or M. He has seemed to be more of himself the past 3 days, but of course it's still eggshells around here. I'm trying so hard to be patient. I'm upbeat when he is around. When we are sleeping, he makes sure we are touching. I know we have to take babysteps and look at the positives, but it's always in the back of your mind when will he get distant again and go back into the fog. It's been 6 months now of separation with periods of him being at home. Any suggestions anyone?
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
YoYo, It's great that your R has gotten back to this point! Tyler over in the Piecing forum, shared a great metaphor of how our WAS's have built a wall between us and them. The goal of the LBS is to not chase them back behind the wall. He says that the WAS is surveying the situation to see if the LBS has made changes, and things are going to be different.
I find this to be a helpful way of looking at the dynamics bwtween the LBS and the WAS in the early stage where the WAS is contemplating reconciliation. It also helps to clarify what our role is at this time.
The fact that he's touching you during sleep is encouraging!
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
CL, Thanks for the input. He made the remark Sunday that he left because we had nothing in common. He if I came back you would come sit down and watch tv with me, but it wouldn't be something you like and it wouldn't be fair to you. I said you are wrong I would be there because I want to be with you. He didn't say anything then. Right now talking isn't very deep, but I will keep it that way until he wants to start talking.
I honestly don't know what his relationship is with OW, he says they are not seeing each other outside of work. The positive I see is when he is with me he is not with her! When he is sleeping beside me I lay my arm across him and pray silently. I know God will get me through this one way or the other.
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
Hi Yoyo, It is so awesome to sleep with your H again, isn't it?? We have been as well and I sleep so much better snuggled up against him. Funny you should say that about praying - I do the exact same thing!! ZERO R talk over at my place, though. I stated my wishes a week ago and am just letting it go for now.
I'm feeling somewhat in the dark about ow as well. We spend so much time together that the only time he could possible see her is during the work day. He never speaks of her and the phone rarely goes off while he's at home. A message from the ow came in the other night but H wasn't even near his phone... I wanted to pick it up and answer it!!!! I didn't, of course... Just taking the high road
Wow...I'm so glad for you and hope it all works out for you. I hope it all works out for you. Keep up those prayers and you will make it.
I just wanted to know we are behind you and to support you.
My H came home while I was gone and stayed till Sunday Morning and then went back to where he is living. He showed up at the my H at 6:00am in the morning. I am an hour and half from him.. He said he came back to do some work and stayed the night and helped ship the next day. He slept part of the time in a chair he was sick and came to bed and told me he was sorry he was sick. He called and took me to coffee in the afternoon when he was returning tohis House but he was mad at our oldest S because he hadn't done the jobs that he had told him to do while he was here. So this morning he called and said he shouldn't take it out on me. HE was Sorry. I just don't know what to think.
It is so hard knowing she is still in the picture. I am glad you H has gotten rid of the OW. I hope it works for you...Just keep up the GAL and remember yourself....
Just keep working towards being friends with your husband. During the times you are together, try to make them positive (so he holds onto good thoughts and memories). As long as he's open to invitations go ahead and invite him, but do so without expectations. Also, don't push too much, just stay positive when he can't make it, smile and say, "maybe next time...."
Try to do fun things together. If you do start 'dating' again, make sure you set up some "date nights" and don't stop those even if you reconcile. I've learned that it's very important for married couples to date each other sometimes.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
LO,Penny,and Root, Thanks for the input. Penny, I'm not sure what is going on with OW, see she still works for him and I don't know if there is anything beyond work. I just have to be strong.
H came over for dinner last night and did a few things to the pool. He left saying he would come back later. He called later and said he was just going to stay at the office and go to sleep. He then gently said, okay? I said okay I'll talk to you later. I wanted to try to talk him into coming over, but I knew it was better not to be pushy. I can tell he is still very confused about what he wants to do. I will just continue praying. I continue to act upbeat and talk to him like we would if we weren't going through this. He gets a little closer then he pulls back.
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
Oh the incredible yoyo, huh?? My H pulled back some yesterday, too. I just let him sit by himself in front of the Tv and went to bed. Seems like our H's are on the same yoyo schedule..
Good for you for letting him have his space. He sounded concerned about how you felt about, so that's good
I don't know if it applies in our sitches, but I was reading in Mars/Venus a couple weeks ago and it talks about men naturally pulling away when they feel connected or close...that they instinctively need some space, and that if we just understand this and give them the space they'll more eagerly come back for more closeness.
It seems to me that when you put infidelity into the equation it throws everything off kilter, but just knowing that he really does need some space has helped me feel a little more sure of myself.
