Heywyre, the ring is not my top priority, it's the last. SHE IS MY TOP PRIORITY!!! NOTHING ELSE!!! I just keep having people tell me to get a lawyer and protect all the assets. Make sure she doesn't start selling stuff off. I was just asking to help me understand about property. I really don't think that your statement "I can see why she is wanting to leave - your priorities are screwed up!" is really fair. I think you've read a lot of my posts, hopefully you can see that I love my wife very much. However, I am a man and have been stubborn and too thick headed to hear her all these years. Damn, I just hate myself for not waking up sooner.
2in2, I wish my wife was calling the separation a "wake-up call". It really has been a wake-up for me. She calls it "permanent."
Fearless, you've got some great points and that's the direction I want to go in.
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I'm sorry if this post sound angry. I'm not mad at anyone here. My counselor said that I would go thru phases of feelings about this, and that I would get angry. Today I just go from angry to crying.
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My wife and I had planned to talk tonight and she called earlier and asked if we could cancel. I was in a meeting and haven't called her back yet. Should I call her back?
I really don't want to meet with her, but it's got to be done. And also, if she wants this then she needs to tell me face to face. If she's having a hard day and having trouble with it, then that's too bad. She made the choice.
I think that I have been very nice thru this process so far. Too nice. But that's the way I am. I love her and would do anything for her, but I won't aid her in moving out and divorcing me. I will keep working on myself, keep my head up, and fight for our marriage. I won't give up until the ink is dry.
Is this the right attitude to have? Or are my emotions just screwed up too much right now?
Thanks everyone for your help! It really means a lot to me, even when I hear things that I don't like. Thanks!
12_51 wrote: "Is this the right attitude to have?"
Yup.
-NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
12_51 This is EXACTLY the place to vent your feelings, and do "dry runs", so you can get feedback and prepare your responses. If your W wants to cancel, I'd be cool about it, but definately say you want to talk, and reschedule right away. Maybe she is unsure, but I think fearless' feedback about being confident and positive is on track. Don't give in to despair! Believe me, I've been close to that, but you have support here. And don't buy into the "permanent" idea. Remember the 11 th hour successes! And keep working on change for yourself!
I think she's very sure. She's made that very clear. She's probably just having a hard time doing it. I know that she's been avoiding anyone that might not support her. She won't even return calls to our Counselor. She only talks with people that will "validate" her position and support her.
I guess that's what friends are for. And friends mean well. But they just want their friend to heal fast. They often don't know the entire story.
I called her back to find out about tonight. She didn't answer her office phone, cell, or the home number. She's probably not going to call me back.
I just keep getting more and more angry about the whole thing as the day goes on. I'm angry at her. I'm angry at myself. My counselor says that it's ok and that I really need to be angry more often and stop bottling it up. May be I should take up boxing or something. Then I could go on the cagefighting. (No not a chance.)
My wife and I probably had less than 10 fights in our entire marriage (13 years). No, it's probably more like less than 5 fights. We're both "peace keepers". May be if we had more fights we would have had more sex!?! (we could have had "make up" sex.)
I'm just venting and being bitter and sarcastic. Sorry to keep doing it...
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2in2, I'm going to try to keep out of dispair and the Governor may call in a last second stay.
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I think I just going to stay angry for a few days and get it out of my system. Do some mourning too. Then get back to the business of building my life back to a better me.
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I think that I'm madder at myself than my wife, but then I'm mad at her to.
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"Looks like i picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue."
"Looks like i picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue."
"Surely you can't be serious"
There's nothing wrong at all with being angry.
Here are some thoughts for you:
Did you get your prescription filled?
What GAL activities do you have?
What 180 ideas do you have?
Also as far as finances, to me it depends upon your financial circumstances and your own personal limit of what you can live with. Of course you do not want to be stupid and make any huge risk, at the same time why haggle over a few hundred or thousand if you can afford to lose it. Just my two cents. For me I was able and willing to lose thousands while I was trying to make my marriage work. In the end XH left anyway but I have no regrets about any money lost during that time because I made a clear decision at the time. Others may not have the means or desire to take that risk. There is not a right or wrong limit; it just needs to be a decision you have made and can live with. Having these boundaries thought out ahead of time will help you feel confident and know how to react.
But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads? ~Albert Camus
Go to the gym. Find the weight lifting section, Work the steel until your muscles scream, and the steel will impart strength for your efforts.
You try to kill the steel and it makes you stronger, in more ways than just muscle. Try it.
-NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
I've got a list of GAL activities. But first I need to get caught up at work. I own the business and I haven't been an effective employee lately.
180 Ideas: Stop being a doormat. Be stonger and more confident. Tell it the way it is.
May be it's time to join the gym again. Or may just bike riding.
Finances: when we married I had no debt. She had debt and I/we paid it off. She managed to build up a fair amount of debt in 13 years that we now have. To be fair, I really should have put my foot down, but I'm too nice. Finances has been one of our issues and I let it happen.
Oh don't I know about the peace keepers. And forget about the fighting and make-up sex. Quite frankly I don't even know what that feels like because we have NEVER (yes, never) had it. I have heard so many people tell me how wonderful it is but *sigh* I have yet to experience it. When we have taken the heated conversation to another level, it usually ends up with walking on egg shells as opposed to make-up sex
You are doing fine 12_51 - just hang in there. You are venting and running things by a lot of great people on here - keep it up
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
