However, I should clarify that the cold hands on my neck came before I made his lunch. The thing that has changed his behavior is that I have truly been seeing things from his point of view lately.
I spoke of this in my first post, but maybe I should go into more detail:
Two or three weeks ago, H decided that we needed to replace the carpet in our basement. The carpet we needed to replace was brand new when our sewer backed up and soaked a fairly large area of the carpet. We also have a pool table. We pulled the carpet up around the edges and tried to dry it out real well. We were hoping we wouldn't have to replace a brand new carpet or move the pool table. That was five years ago. The cat also had a bladder infection and peed around the edges that hadn't even had sewage on them. We have all started to have bronchial trouble, so it was time to get rid of the stench. H decided he wanted to replace the old carpet with carpet squares. Then we wouldn't have to move the pool table. H was unsure whether to use two colors so we would have a sort of pattern. He didn't know if the pattern would carry through to the hall and other areas without looking odd. I got out a piece of graph paper and drew in the dimensions of our basement and worked out a way that the pattern would work. H agreed with me at the time. I found out later that he felt I had taken over, so he agreed because he was afraid I would be mad if he disagreed with me. I went to the store the next day and ordered the tiles. They were expensive. I thought about calling H to make sure he was okay with the price. I made the mistake of assuming that he just wanted to be rid of that old carpet and the price wasn't a big deal. A couple days later (after cleaning the cement real well and letting it air out) I put a sampling of several tiles down. Then he asked me about the price. I hadn't told him prior to that because I thought that he wasn't asking because he didn't want to know. When he asked, I thought, "Great now he's going to freak," and that is what I said to him before pausing and telling him the price. Naturally, he was angry. We talked about it later and I apologized. I also tend to get in a hurry when working on a project. I told him that I should have taken more time and checked with him more. It especially bothered him that I knew he would freak about the price, but bought the tiles anyway. He felt better after I explained my reasons for not telling him. The next night, I was going to start sticking the tiles down. He suggested that I vacuum the concrete first. I asked if using a sponge would be better. He insisted that vacuuming would be better. I didn't feel that he considered my idea in the least, so I insisted. He started to walk away saying, "Do what you want." I didn't want him to be mad, so I did it his way. It wasn't until the next morning that it dawned on me why he feels that I always want to have my way. To me, it was just that I didn't feel heard. I sent him an e-mail telling him that I could see his point of view. His behavior has been much better since then. He listens to me and responds so I know I was heard. He is a happy man now and seems to want to make me happy, too. Making his lunch and giving him notes is keeping the ball rolling.
