how can I forgive and accept when she continues to do hurtful things?
This is a big one, and something I think we all ultimately have to wrap our heads around. I don't know how y'all process this, but for me, it has been a journey to here and now. I've thought a lot about this recently too.
In our C session this week, H mentioned that for the last several years, he just hasn't cared at all about me or being with me. While that does ache, I can listen to him say it without a stab to my heart, because I've already forgiven him for it. I don't have to carry the unbearable pain around with me anymore.
I didn't post about this anywhere, but I pulled a 'no-no' and flew out to follow H during his last work trip. Followed him to OW's condo and then followed them to a mall, I'm in a car behind him as he's on the phone with me telling me he's doing something entirely different. The wierd thing about it was, he was doing something very hurtful to me, and I was able to let it slide off my back because it was part of the whole ball of wax I've already forgiven him for. It certainly gave me the strength I needed to make my stand with him.
Anyway, my point is that true forgiveness is an ongoing thing...in my mind when I was able to let go of what he 'was' doing, it included anything he may 'still' be doing. I'm not going to waste my energy feeling vengeful and angry at his actions, past, present or future.
Fine line here, as I don't see my act of forgiveness requiring me to allow him to abuse my trust.
And, it hasn't been all me. Forgiveness is a blessing. I'm grateful for it.
