But what about the relationship, it just seems that the wwomen essentially holds 95% of the cards, there is nothing that I can change in my relationship that does not require her to change something first.
This is an assumption on your part. Have you asked your wife how she sees the balance of power in your M? My guess is that she will have a completely different ratio in mind. How do you reconcile the difference between your 95/5 and her ratio, whatever that turns out to be? Better yet, ask her. Tell us what she says.
I guess this is why Deida and Eldridge both say that the relationship is determined by the women, and thus redirect the man to focus exclusively on himself.
Are you sure this is what Dieda says? I have not read Eldridge, but I think Dieda sees the man as having a major role in any R, but the way he expresses his part is different from how a woman should express her part. Why is it you can only relate to the methods women use to influence the R? Why does the idea of acting in the way Dieda proposes seem so foreign to you. Its like you can’t even grasp what Dieda is saying.
This does not seem like a 50/50 split on the power of the relationship, more like 90/10.
How do you get 90/10? If you really think about it CeMar, and try to put yourself in the woman’s shoes in the scenario that Dieda proposes, how would a woman feel like she has 90 and the man has 10? I would think the woman might feel to opposite rations apply. After all, she is focused on the R and making the man the center of her universe. He is her primary objective. Yet she is pursuing someone whose primary objective is something else, not her. How comforting is that to her? Remember, put yourself in her shoes and try to imagine how it would feel chasing someone who you know is chasing something else?
Perhaps you can do this too well, because your posts seem to reflect this very mindset. Perhaps what you are missing is that as abandoned as you may feel, your W feels the same. If you are to become the “man,” the “pack leader” or whatever you want to call it, wouldn’t that make your wife even more insecure? How would you feel in her shoes? So why is it that you continually live under the illusion that your wife holds all the power in your M?
Just because she control your access to sex does not mean she holds the power. Before I go any further, can we reach a level of understanding on this point so far? Tell me if any of this makes sense to you. Ladies, am I anywhere close with my analogy?
