Sorry for not responding sooner. Here is what you said in the prior thread:
Quote:
Before we go down that road, let’s be sure we understand what we are talking about. When I and others here say take back power, it does not mean something like “taking” a kiss. By that I do not mean cajoling, forcing, or manipulating someone to “take” some thing. It means not allowing the other person to cause you to become reactive and therefore dependent on their actions for your satisfaction.
If you go back and read all the recommendations made to you over the years, you will see one common theme. You ask how to create desire in your W, and you know very well that you cannot get into her head and flip a switch to turn on desire. So that means another method must be use, an indirect method. Are you with me so far?
Your wife will have certain things within her right now that she finds attractive, things that trigger desire in her, of one form or another. These are paths into her heart. Your task is to become attractive to her based on one of her currently existing paths. That path may not lead to the sex and desire you want, but as an indirect route, you can cause her to open new paths, that once were open, but which she has long ago closed.
Before she will open those doors, YOU need to be safe and attractive enough to her for her to open them. As one after another door opens, she will eventually get to the doors you want. If you keep focusing on HER and why she just doesn’t go and open the door right now, then you will continue to be stuck. She does not have to open anything if she does want to. That is the bottom line. As much as you might like to believe, she does not owe you any open doors.
So “taking” back power means two things to me: 1) becoming attractive to your W so that she might be willing to open some doors, thus taking you out of the position of simply having to beg her to open those doors, which is empowering to you, and 2) addressing her grievance against you so that she has nothing left to hold over your head and justify keeping those doors shut, which again is empowering to you.
Can you see what we mean by taking back power and can you work with this definition? _________________________ Cobra
I understand what you are saying. From my position as HD male I believe that what I must do is:
1) Make myself more attractive 2) Make myself strong and confident. 3) Stop doing all the love busters.
This empowers ME. It empowers me over what I can control which is my own life. My wife controls her life. But what about the relationship, it just seems that the wwomen essentially holds 95% of the cards, there is nothing that I can change in my relationship that does not require her to change something first. I guess this is why Deida and Eldridge both say that the relationship is determined by the women, and thus redirect the man to focus exclusively on himself. This does not seem like a 50/50 split on the power of the relationship, more like 90/10. Is this really the best us guys can hope for?
