I won't claim expert status, but I will try to answer some of your questions based on my studies.
Quote: -------------------------------------------------------------- Do you ever get completely over it? Do you ever look at your spouse the same? I am looking @ his pic right now, one that used to just give me goosebumps (good ones) and I can say to myself "That's my H," however, I just don't see him the same way anymore. --------------------------------------------------------------
A scar is a scar. They never go away, they just fade some with age. If your relationship grows to a healthy enough place, then a scar might even become a point of "bragging rights". The truth is, you will never look at your husband the same, simply because your relationship with him has been altered forever. That doesn't have to mean "bad", just different.
Quote: --------------------------------------------------------------- Does it matter how good I make things for him now? Will he always do this to me no matter how well I am taking care of him in all ways in our M? ---------------------------------------------------------------
All you can do, is the best you can do for your half of the marriage. Outside of that, you have no control over what he does. If he decides to have another affair, then he will. That's why it is so very important to understand that having an affair(s) is 100% his choice, and not your fault. You can't make him or me or anyone else fall into bed with another person.
What that practically means is that he should be indicating to you in action and in his way of living whether or not he is trustworthy or not. It also means that unless he has come to understand the underlying cause of his motivations for his actions, that he is likely to repeat the behavior.
Quote: -------------------------------------------------------------- I have decided absolutely no more snooping; he has told me that his latest "friend" "has been taken care of," however, will I ever truly trust him again? Will the feeling of doubt always be there? Like the other night, I said to him (re: our very active sex life) that I "am just taking advantage of the time we have left" and he said something about using his words. Well, I truly don't remember him saying these words to me, so I automatically wonder if he said them to someone else? I know, I know, but that's what I'm talking about -- do you always think this way??? --------------------------------------------------------------
I think that a person that has been repeatedly shot by another person has good reason to doubt that the shooter will stop. Again, actions over time is the only way he can demonstrate his commitment (or not) toward the marriage. You will always wonder to some degree if he will shoot you again.
I will tell you this, and this is my opinion, don't wait on him too long. You have a limited number of years on this planet. When you start talking about waiting 1, 5 , 10 years on someone to change their behavior, then you really need to be able to justify it to yourself, and that justification better be good, because it is what will be staring you in the face 15 years from now if your life is still falling apart. That is time that you don't get back.
So my advice to you is actually quite simple, be really sure about what, who and how much you invest your life in any given situation or action.
All the best, -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
