She's moving out and says that it's permanent

[fearless]

Please listen to the advice to be strong, direct and unwavering. I am sure that it is tempting to want to be sweet and helpful to your wife in the hopes of drawing her back to you. Try to remember that behavior is not what she needs and wants right now. The key is to remember that the opposite of that sweet behavior is not being a jerk, being cruel or playing games with her. The opposite is to be self-assured, confident in what you want (your wife) and in no mood or position to help her do something that you do not want. I agree with protecting your assets but I would not go down the path of appearing petty, manipulative, punishing, etc. Nickeling and diming about every little thing does not appear strong to me.

I saw you post elsewhere that you wondered why pursuing was "bad" behavior because you said that is what you did during dating. Pursuing when someone does not want your pursuit is the issue. Also pursuing from desperation and fear feels week and needy. Not qualities that usually draw a woman to you. However pursuing in the manner of getting what you want is an entirely different type of pursuit. So the key is to be confident and strong in approaching her. If she says to you that you need to just give up, then needy pursuit would be following her to the door as she is walking to the door and begging her for one more chance while strong pursuit would be saying "I hear you but I have no intention on giving up on you. I love you and want you." while standing still and letting her walk out the door. The latter sends the clear signal that you still want her while letting you keep your dignity. Think about the difference in her mind as she is driving away.

As far as the "permanent" talk, I would not worry about that one bit. Things can and do change. The key is for you to not get drawn into the trap of trying to argue that point with her. The point is that YOU are not giving up. YOU want the marriage to work. YOU want a healthy fun sex life with her. YOU are doing the things for yourself to be a man who will have sex regularly in a relationship. This is the message you want to send to your wife clearly and consistently.

You should not get caught up in doing things to get an immediate positive reaction from her. You should be doing these things to be the person you want to be in a relationship so you can demonstrate a consistency of purpose to her. Keep focused on yourself so that you do not let her action throw you off track.

There is a lot of talk about the 180 concept. The key to that concept is that everyone has different positions from which they need to 180. If you were a jerk, you need to be more willing to listen to her (not be a doormat). If you were meek, then your 180 is to be strong (again, not a jerk but a strong confident man). If your past behavior was to ignore her, then paying attention to her is good. If your past behavior was paying lots of attention to her and doing lots of things for her, then the 180 would be to let her stand on her own 2 feet and not babying her. If you tend to sit on the couch watching TV for hours, then join a gym and get active. If you tend to hang out with the guys for hours on end, then look at picking up some books to read. There are many ways in which you can 180. Try not to pick too many 180s so that you can keep them up and stay consistent. Pick the ones you think will give the most impact to your marriage.

For me, the key is to not over compensate in 180s and do damage. The point is to draw back and pay attention. I will stress keeping consistent and being observant. Watch how she interacts with you and see if there are patterns. That is why acting consistently on your part will help you read her better. If you act the same every day and her reactions to you begin to change, then you will know if you are on the right track. It may take time which is why you need to be observant.

Good Luck.