Wish I had some insights for you. It is so frustrating when we look back and see all the changes WE made and see little reaction on the part of our spouses. It IS their time to step up to the plate and work for the R. Why should we do all the work?
It is easy to say we cannot control them and that their inactions should not affect us. It is easy to say that we do all the work b/c we are the strong ones and the high road is often the difficult road. We can say all day long about how we should focus on us (PMA, GAL, etc). It is easy to say that OUR self-esteem is not tied to them, that we do not need their willingness to admit to and correct *their* part in all this.
Easy to say, but a R is a two person thing after all; a tandem bicycle if you will. And while we can focus within, respect and trust are built on how the other person treats us. That is the key here. Sooner or later, if we are doing all the peddling we must stop and let the other person know that we need to work it together or we will never get there.
So you are doing well to confront when you need to. Lying is a boundary; don’t let him cross it. You must get the trust and respect back. Keep communicating this with as little pressure as you can – then it is up to him to figure it out.
You are doing fine. I hate it that he seems stuck. Stay the course.
