WHY?WHY? That is all I can ask myself why did I give in to him??? H stayed out all day and overnight again this past Saturday and Sunday our middle child who is the closest one to him was really missing him. Our aquarium that has no fishes was noted by the girls that the water was looking weird or moldy? So, I texted him in a way he may have not understood what I was talking about : Your science project has become mold and needs to be attended to.? Well, as usual no response, but later in the day out daughter(minnie me at times in the way she thinks) wanted to call daddy and let him know he needed to clean it out. It's funny b/c when H arrives home after staying out all night SHE (7yrs) starts to question him about his whereabouts!! This is something I don't do and haven't done in a long time anymore. I dialed his cell and told her she would have to leave a message and she told him about the aquarium and she also asked when he was coming home (mind you that Friday night she had already asked him if he was going to stay w/ us on Saturday and of course he lied). H later told me that he wanted to stay and spend time w/ the kids since he will be gone on a business trip the following weekend. I reminded him of his last MAJOR croos of the line a few weekends ago when he took the girls for a sleep over at OW's and that I had told him that the following next two weekends they were to be w/ me. Oddly enough he did stay that Friday night, but left early in the morning. I think he originally meant that about staying and wanting to spend time w/ them, but I did not want to back down and let him think my boundaries do not mean anything. This may be the reason why? he did not return?
Anyways.. WHen he came abck alte Sunday...strangely enough I felt good like if I had missed him, but all the while he was gone I did not feel a thing??????? Maybe my feeling "numb" is dieing out??? GOd I hope not b/c I have been detaching SOOOO good! At least, I thought ..until...... Monday morning when I was still very much asleep and H came over and laid on top of me ( i was face down), I could tell he was ecxited, but I was still not feeling anything.....then why did I follow thru?????? UGH granted it had been like a couple fo months,but thats why I had asxked God to take away all my desires (which He had and I was maintaining well)!!! later in the day I felt awful about itlike I slid back big time, I felt like H was only "testing" me or the enemy was especially after I had told H the reason why I was not having sex w/ him. Can somoene enlighten me please??? After that H was in a very, very good mood, so I was confused..now I must detach, I know detach.
Normally on Tuesday nights H stays at OWs', but last night H came home in a bad mood and I figured they had a fall out so I stayed w/ a positive attitude and did not let him get to me like he wanted too. H was very tired that night b/c he had to fix the closet shelf that had fallen and broken so that did not help his spirits. H told me that OW was not very happy w/ him today b/c she wanted him to come over ,but he did not want to. I asked why and he said b/c he likes it here (at our home)??? I had wonderd since he was looking a bit comfortable again @ home. Believe nothing you hear?Yeah right..H also had to be home not only to fix the closet (which I did not push to be done),but H had to start packing for his trip, which he did last night. ANYWHO.....
I messed up again this morning, i guess I wanted confirmation on his "testing me" the other morning, by HURTING myself onesmore and going to his bedroom and trying to sedutuctively to tell him to go to ur bedroom,but to no avail!!! H said no and know he was tried form fixing the closet until midnight, but OH WELL..
