Ok, I'm with Nopkins on this. Her statement of "it's too late" now, when really...she has nothing to lose by giving you time indicates to me that there could be someone else in the picture. There may not be, but I'd be willing to bet at the very least there is someone she is interested in who is showing her attention.
Her statements are a bit conflicting too "It's permanent", but "we don't have to get an attorney right away".????
One thing I want to address for you is this statement of yours "But I can't understand why, if I'm willing to change and in counseling, she would give up." She gave up a long time ago...BECAUSE SHE ENDURED TOO MUCH PAIN. Yes, you are willing to change NOW, but you weren't when she was willing to still try. At some point people give up after trying, and trying, and trying. You simply didn't wake up before she reached that point. She's at a place NOW where she doesn't believe you will really make the changes, she trusted too much that you would...and you let her down too often. Sorry to put it so painfully blunt. But that is the answer to that question.
At this point you are simply going to have to keep going with your action plan of making changes for YOU. This is something you said you were going to do regardless of her actions anyway right? So keep following through. Add to that GAL (Getting A Life)....now that's not an insult :-) It's honestly a divorce busting recommendation. When you get out, do things for yourself...hobbies, exercising, clubs...what have you. It often has the effect of making you more interesting/appealing to your spouse.
There was a gentleman CSW who used to participate (he may still lurk occasionally), that I've mentioned to you before. He also had no libido (remember I mentined he ate too much soy?)...anyway, his wife DID move out. His wife in fact was seeing someone else. They are back together and happy now. He made changes for himself, and did the GAL...I believe he also employed the 180 rules, NOP's do you remember?
She hasn't shut you down at this point. She's trying to discourage you. If she has made up her mind to move...don't help her. Make her do it all on her own. You don't want her to leave right? So why would you aid her in that?
Lastly, I completely agree wit NOP's on...if you don't want the divorce, drag your feet on it. Do whatever it takes not to make it an easy thing for her to achieve. Do not help her move, do not aid her in anything that promotes a separation...and absolutely positively...DO NOT use the same attorney she does. You get one of your own who will protect YOUR interests. If you don't want a divorce then man-up and fight to keep her. Going with her attorney makes things waaaaaay too easy for her to achieve a divorce, to get everything she wants. That's counter productive to what you are wanting.
